Expect Nothing

No Law for Big Media

2011-07-12T18:44:00.006-04:00

So hopefully you've been following the decline of News Corp, that began with the report that News of the World had hacked a number of phones - leading to the eventual closure of this UK tabloid this past Sunday. More recently, it has come to light that News of the World hacked into 9/11 victims' family's phones and now the Royal Family, among others. News Corp, a massive media conglomeration lead by Rupert Murdoch, is feeling the heat.

Corporations are held to the same legal standards as people in the United States, for better or worse. It's coming to light that journalists, over an extended period of time, across multiple holdings of the same corporate entity, have committed violations of law and

very serious ethical violations.

The image here shows the holdings of News Corp. A push to boycott News Corp, the head of the Fox News Network, comes as the company closed up shop for News of the World; not before trying to wipe some of the muck off their faces by deleting emails. Will this massive media conglomerate, one of the six big companies, be held accountable?

Will anyone remember next month that these rich elitists ran their company this way - with no regard for the law or human dignity?

Will you let them?

My Own Place

2011-07-10T10:40:00.002-04:00

After a string of semi- to incredibly unpleasant roommate experiences, I vowed to live alone forever. After moving out East, I played apartment leapfrog, experiencing a variety of neighborhoods and landlords. Living alone isn't always fantastic if you can't afford a decent apartment or have to compromise so they will allow pets. There is always some fee or rule or something that makes it less than perfect.

When I left a flat in Greenbelt in search of the city, I convinced myself that a roommate situation could work. It can get lonely living alone and the built in social network was a plus. But then there are the little things that I started to miss about living alone. My cats were despondent. The benefit of sharing cleaning and bill responsibilities can become more stressful than it should be. I found often I was dependent on a landlord that didn't have the ability to be responsive, making simple situations complex and never-ending.

I knew I was going back to solitary living, but my mind had stopped short of owning, because I am poor and live in a city with one of the highest costs of living. I am so glad that I talked to people and did some research. The process was stressful, but the moment that big day was done, and I looked around at a space I had pined over for months, I knew that this is what I really needed.

There are moments....

I have begun to rediscover things I once loved. Cooking in my own kitchen, with the music up - singing along.

Getting home after a long day and being greeted by happy cats and lovely quiet.

Imagining how it will be when I have fully nested and made every wall and corner a tribute to my sensibilities. My own perfect sanctuary.

Cleaning. Yes - cleaning and knowing that it will be only me that is responsible for this space. For each bill. For every day I am here.

So even though it terrifies me to know I am now tied so completely to a single place by a massive bank that cares nothing for these moments I treasure, having this space of my own gives me such clarity.

Sold My Soul to the Bank

2011-07-01T22:51:00.003-04:00

There comes a time in every girl's life when moving every couple years to a new place that someone else controls gets old. Maybe it's close to where you want to be, or all you can afford. Maybe you have to live with people or sacrifice just to be there and then have a landlord that cannot meet your expectations.

Maybe I don't like signing my life away to get here. Maybe the process made me bitter and cynical. Maybe I cannot grasp the concept of 30 years.

I have now been in my new apartment for one month. I have made my first mortgage payment. I am a homeowner. Though in reality I live here at the pleasure of the bank, the money I shell out each month is going to a cause that will ultimately serve to free me from the bank.

I could go on about how working inside a crumbling system to grab a piece of this world for my own made me feel, but let's talk about something nice for a moment.

I have a home. I have hardwood floors, windows that look out over my living, breathing city, ceiling fans that terrify my cats, and a blank canvas with which to color my own little world. I have keys that at the end of the day let me in to my little piece of the world. I have a neighborhood and a community and roots.

Ignorance is Bliss

2010-12-09T19:06:00.002-04:00

It's so easy to focus on trivial things. Please take a moment to understand the world as it is now.

http://humantrafficking.change.org/blog/view/wikileaks_reveals_us_tax_dollars_fund_child_sex_slavery_in_afghanistan#share_source=blog-top_fb

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyncorp

Matt and Kim

2010-10-23T00:15:00.003-04:00

October 22, 2010 - 9:30 Club ~

Probably the most energetic duo I've ever seen. Kim is amazing on drums and the dedication and love these guys show their fans is wonderful.

How BP is failing the Gulf Coast, Again

2010-07-25T09:01:00.005-04:00

I have purposefully avoided being informed on the crisis in the Gulf region. Having family there and loving this area that is still struggling to regain footing after hurricane Katrina makes the realization that their future is in the hands of a greedy corporation painful. BP does not care about people, the environment, or the health of communities.

BP cares about its stockholders and its bottom-line.

Which is probably why, even though they have single-handedly destroyed lives and negatively impacted this region for decades to come, the greedy short-sightedness of this company is failing to make the right choices.

Two of the major livelihoods, fishing and the oil industry, are now at a standstill. Those who are out of work are not seeing help from BP. BP, instead of using the resources of the people of the community affected, are using prison labor (cheap and tax free!) to clean up the spill. Bravo, BP. And when residents got upset over the crews of prisoners getting work they desperately need, the uniforms clearly marking the prisoners as such were changed.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I Made a Lot of Mistakes...

2010-01-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

In my mind.

What is a new year?
We spend so much time planning our resolutions, how we will be better, do better, live up to our potential. What is it really that is stopping us from doing that without the pretense of promise and grand gestures?

As we ring out the Uh-ohs....or the Noughties.....or whatever cute name we've given the past decade, I'm thankful for the moments and people who have had meaning in my life. Good and bad both have shaped the person I am, and the world in which I now sit and write words that join a sea of individual thoughts. Every day is a gift, and I can't honestly say I've ever seriously made or kept "resolutions" - but my one hope for the coming year, is that I maintain and nurture the relationships I have with the people in my life who mean the most to me. I am a better me for knowing some of the wonderful people who grace the best and worst moments of my existence with their love and support, humor and knowledge, advice and restraint.

Cheers!

What I'm Listening to - Right. Now.

2009-11-30T23:25:00.004-04:00

The whole album is awesome, but I can't stop playing/dancing to Lisztomania.

Anyone privy to FridayDanceParty knows this and embraces Phoenix.

Blasts from the Past and Pending

2009-11-30T22:49:00.006-04:00

[Image slightly related]

Very few of my interests/hobbies last for the long haul. I know this about myself and I think it's a family trait. I get very excited and gung-ho about something for a short period of time then somehow get distracted....

Oh look! A castle!!!

Imagine my surprise when an experiment from 2007 came back to visit. I received an email from a university professor requesting permission to use my article. That's right, for a very brief period of time I tried my hand at semi-regular article writing. Being the non-conformist rebel I am (lol - read lazy procrastinator), that fell away while I maintained the very irregular blogging.

What other past-times have lost out to mindless interwebs and wine?

Photography: While I do have a pending project that involves converting all my negatives to digital pics, I've turned by back on film photography. I wouldn't be against digital photography if someone wants to buy me a nice DSLR camera, but when I moved to the city this summer I sold/gave away my equipment that got me through high school photography (I won an award!!! (possibly just because I won my teacher's heart by standing in line for the digital remastered theatre release of Star Wars)), college courses (before I decided not to be a photojournalist), and a few sad family photo shoots.

Reading: OMG. For one reason or another, I have not read a book in ages. I used to breeze through a couple every week. My ruminations on philosophy and sustainable living, psychology and British satire, SciFi/Fantasy and science are severely hampered. I mean....the internets can keep one occupied for hours, but is this a balanced information source? If my attention span is to be measured by what I read, these days I manage RSS headlines and at best through the comments on my favorite blogs.

What still seems to be hanging on?

Musics: Since my last post I went to another Andrew Bird concert, which was fan-freaking-tastic. Aside from the trek to the bathroom and being crushed in a throng of giants. I'm also constantly exploring favorites and new bands. Some of my current favorites include tons of Brit/Dance-pop like Phoenix, Passion Pit, and MGMT. Which leads me to the dancing.

It had been ages since I went out for the sake of dancing alone. When I first arrived in this wondrous region for Grad School, I went frequently with girls from school, where I was dubbed 'drunk dancing girl.' To be fair, it only took one drink IF THAT before a good groove got me moving. Heck, I do that on the subway. I recently joined a MeetUp group and the first event was - you guessed it - a dance party. Now I'm on the prowl for a permanent dance buddy. This is the kind of exercise I can get behind.

....and Pending!

I have many goals. All the time. But I'm finally making a commitment to myself to follow through on my childhood dream of playing the violin. I figure if I can eat out as frequently as I do I can save some cash for lessons.

Updates and Revelations

2009-10-18T11:58:00.006-04:00

I've recently been shamed by my lack of blog postings. My 2 readers are probably very angry.

This summer brought about quite a few changes. Most exciting is that after six years in the area, I finally summoned the courage to try city living on for size. In July, after a couple months of anxious excitement, I moved to Washington D.C.

That's my house (rented)! Those aren't my children. Google has update the image sometime in the past couple months, because I did plant most of the flora pictured.

Me and my three roommates seem to have begun settling. We have laid claim to our local bar, our local Mexican/Salvadoran restaurant, and I have recently settled on my local pizzeria. These are the choices that matter, folks.

So what changes specifically has moving to the city granted my humble existence?

Concerts: Living in a major metropolitan area (and having more disposable income) has allowed me to go to more shows. And this summer I binged:
Andrew Bird/The Decemberists - I had already been a fan of Mr. Bird, but had little exposure to The Decemberists, of whom I am now a fan.
The Killers - I have wanted for years and years to see them live. The did NOT disappoint.
Kings of Leon - Definitely one of my favorite bands right now, and their live performance was very impressive. I will see them again.
Ben Folds - Playing with the National Symphony, this was an incredible experience.
Ra Ra Riot - An incredible live performance that won me over so very easily. I'm a sucker for strings.

Commuting: You would think the increased distance from work would make my commute unpleasant and extreme. Nay. My commute is really no longer than it was when I lived 3 miles away in Prince George's County. I now take the train daily, along with buses. I absolutely love that I live in a place with an amazing transit system, and I only hope this type of infrastructure can improve and expand. It really does make all the difference. I relieved myself of a car last year, but it was a struggle in suburban Maryland. I'm far from expert at navigating the city's transit, but I'm much more brave about going new places when I know I will be able to find my way home. Yay Metro!

Cooperative Living: I would be remiss if I didn't mention my incredible roommates. After living alone for a many years, I was ready to try my hand at co-housing. For single people, housing and living costs can make it impossible to really have something nice. The row house we live in is a small space (I don't think they needed much storage in 1911) but is more than enough for the three of us that live in the main part of the house. We have a good sized living room, formal dining room (complete with bar), and kitchen. Sharing expenses, cleaning, and the occasional meal really makes it feel like a family. Since I don't have family in the area, it's been a nice change of pace.

Computing: I've been lucky to have some friends expose me to their computer expertise recently. I've been spending a lot of time learning how to be a proper computer geek - still a long way to go, I'm sure. After building a PC with some gaming in mind, I've made great strides in my newest addiction. Not only does it feed my other addictions, but it's allowed me to get excited about my media intake again. WoW ftw.

Intellectual Property and The News

2009-04-05T10:50:00.003-04:00

Does search engine aggregation of news constitute copyright infringement or fair use? If you are media mogul Rupert Murdoch, it constitutes thievery and Wired is reporting a possible threat of lawsuit to the likes of Google and Yahoo.

Quote of the day: "People reading news for free on the web, that's got to change."

Woah. This is the issue Ritchie Rich is choosing to publicize even as one incarnation of his media empire, the newspaper, is dying a slow, painful death? This is how a corporate big-wig is choosing to approach the medium of the now and future - the Internet - as a money making tool, despite the increased traffic his news sources get BECAUSE of search engines like Google and Yahoo?

It's one thing to claim intellectual property on original content you pay to produce and distribute, like movies and music, but to claim "the news" is your property and that anyone wishing to read "the news" must pay for it - that is a stretch. The sites are fully attributing the source - the writers and publishers - of the content. It is not plagiarism (which is a legitimate pain). Moreover, does he actually see a future in CHARGING readers of "the news?" That's going to be pretty hard to control, Mr. Murdoch, when every yahoo blogging in their pajamas and independent journalists are able and more than willing to publish content on the interwebs. You think watching your newspapers fold is painful, enjoy the backlash you will get from the Digital Generation as they turn their backs on you.

The Medium is the Message, Mr. Murdoch. Stop fighting the future and realize that information is not a commodity.

Music I'm listening to RIGHT NOW!

2009-04-04T21:37:00.006-04:00

If you like finding new music, I would like to suggest Pandora.com - you can create a free profile with multiple stations based on bands and songs you like. It will play music similar to your saved preferences and you can give thumbs up or down to direct future streaming.

Lately I've been listening to:

The Feeling: A British pop band that has not only catchy tunes and nice harmonies, but great lyrics and piano (I love piano). They were actually mentioned by a friend and while I'd probably heard some of their stuff (appeared on Good Luck Chuck....mediocre film so I probably blocked it out), listening to their first album made me a fan.

Muse: While I still have not seen Watchmen (sniffle....) the trailers had some pretty great music I instantly had to look up. Between that and Pandora, I stumbled on Muse. And then they kept coming back, and everything I heard I loved. Again with the piano and electric keyboards (and another British band) the haunting sound and moving lyrics make this progressive rock band one of my favorites right now.

Dirty, dirty paper & Why we are destined to fail as a society

2009-04-04T11:51:00.004-04:00

If all of us behave this way, we will fail as a society. A primary motivation of making money at whatever price or consequence shows a low level of abstract thinking and a depraved human indeed. A sickening example:

The paper industry was once a more sustainable business than it may be now, creating its own fuel. After the Bush regime passed an alternative fuel tax credit, the vultures emerged. Many paper companies are adding diesel to the process created fuel to then apply for and receive millions of dollars in tax credits from the IRS. Yes, taxpayers are getting the shaft and private investors are raking in cash because these corporate pigs are adding an unnecessary fossil fuel. Quote: "You use the toilet every day. Imagine if you could start pouring a little gasoline into the bowl and get fifty cents a gallon every time you flushed." ~ Alternet

I know censorship when I see it.

2009-04-02T21:15:00.005-04:00

Today in Maryland, a striking example of why our country is doomed to remain in economic crisis unfolded in the State Senate. Legislators discussing the budget wallowed in the mud of social moralizing as Andrew P. Harris (Baltimore and Harford counties) and Thomas V. Miller (Calvert and Prince George's counties, President of Senate) pushed forward an amendment to the budget that would deny ALL funding for state Universities that screened hard-core porn.

Yes. Deny funding to a center of learning. Punish students. Doom thousands of employees. Because of porn.

Random? Well, it was an attempt to squash the problem-child that is the University of Maryland, College Park. The flagship campus of the University System of Maryland's students had organized a showing of Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge, which apparently has R-rated and X-rated versions. (XXX pirate booty if you will.)

Interested in the film? Well, despite the Hoff management's waxing amorous about a sell-out crowd, I had not even heard of the showing, and while familiar with the general existence of a pirate-themed porn, the sudden focus of the state legislature has me curious. Like all great movies, Pirates 2 has a plot! And many sexy pirates....belly dancers....a dragon creature....I'm actually intrigued. My ship has gone off course! Avast!!

The point I'm trying to make is this: elected officials, thinking with their morals instead of their brains, threatened the flagship (no pun intended!) campus over the screening of an erotic film that would have seated roughly 500 on a campus that has over 30,000 enrolled students. Whatever you think about pornography, human sexuality, and freedom of speech/choice/etc...the use of political power to make such a shallow, pointless maneuver leaves me with a sick feeling. Abuse of power, censorship, and threatening to ruin the lives of thousands of your constituents so as to spank them into behaving how you think they should behave is nothing short of fascism.

More of the story:

Baltimore Sun discussing cancellation - a distressing amount of moralizing by the Sun.

Examiner - interesting comments from legislators-turned-moral-police.

NBC - focus on the film. "A sell-out is expected."

As of this writing, Hoff Theatre has removed postings of the film, even it if the website description and Facebook event description still showed signs of the sinking ship.

Oh, and also - yaarrrrr.

Recession woes? Screw sustainability!

2009-03-02T21:11:00.003-04:00

Beginning in the summer of 2007, I began to take public transit to work. Every day. This started with the University shuttle and extended to Metro when (gasp) the shuttle was unreliable. I have been car-free for about 7 months now. Living in the suburbs where mass transit is struggling to retain political support to meet the needs of its ridership and massive shortfall in service, I sometimes depend on other alternatives to the bus and trains.

Until recently, my employer has participated in a great program with the car-share company ZipCar. I've noticed with the recent loss of a car site that the private company might be struggling. Then this week I received this email from the University about their participation in the program that encouraged faculty and staff to think outside the box on transportation.

March 1, 2009

Dear Zipcar Premier Plan participant:

We, at the Department of Transportation Services, appreciated your willingness to turn in your campus parking permit, and to make use of a greener, more environmentally friendly mode of transportation to get around. By taking part in the Zipcar Premier Plan, you have helped us, as a campus, reduce the number of parking permits, and thus the number of cars here. Therefore, it is with great regret that I announce the discontinuation of this promotional program effective April 1, 2009.

In these economic times filled with furloughs and budget cuts, everyone, including the Department of Transportation Services, has had to make tough fiscal management decisions. The Zipcar Premier Plan began initially as a promotional program under Flexcar in 2006, and continued as such after Zipcar acquired that company. We understand that members of our faculty and staff, but more specifically graduate students, who took advantage of the free driving hours benefit, will be greatly inconvenienced by the discontinuation of this program. We sincerely regret having to make this decision; however, budget constraints demand hard choices.

As a Zipcar member, you are still entitled to the reduced annual membership fee of $25 once you are a member of the University of Maryland community. You may also continue to use the cars on campus at the rates of $9.25/hr and $69/day on weekdays or $10.50/hr and $77/day on weekends. Zipcar also offers extra value plans that may be more economical depending on your driving habits. You may visit http://www.zipcar.com/dc/apply/?group%5fid=78668000 for more information about the University of Maryland Standard Plan.

Inevitably, the economy will rebound and we will see better economic times. At that point, we are prepared to re-examine this benefit as we believe it is important to offer alternate options to single-occupancy cars on campus. Once again, thank you for taking advantage of this program, and please do not hesitate to contact me with any further questions or concerns.

Sincerely,
Nicola Corbin.

In addition to looking like a shoddy copypasta, this email sadly blames the "tough economic times." I wonder how many people, depending on alternative transportation, said that to themselves as they ditched their gas-guzzling automobiles. I wonder if they really believed the University would stand behind their sustainability propaganda. True, there has been a recent increase in parking permit cost, but cutting a program that both helps make up for the low, low wages a non-profit college is able to pay (don't say the furlough word) and shows some solidarity for those who don't drive to campus to take up non-existent parking, is a low blow.

So here's to a company I have depended on and talked up. And here's to a benefit that I gratefully took part in and praised, ironically, this very week, as being a lifesaver. I wonder what's next? Maybe the transit deduction program I use to fund my Metro rides, pre-tax? How about my shuttle route, which has in the past year been conjoined to another, less profitable route (because a slumlord refused to fund the line)? Hell, why don't we just go back on all those "green" initiatives we were PRing to death just before the shit hit the fan!

Bubye, sustainable choices!

Story 'bout 2 Cats

2009-02-21T14:57:00.006-04:00

There are two cats on my mind today, in addition to my own of course.

Last week, two very disturbed teenage boys posted a video on YouTube that showed one going by the moniker "Timmy" beating a cat named "Dusty." Within hours, the video had been seen by many, and the long arm of Anonymous notified the local media, re-posted the video (which had been removed from YouTube), and tracked down all the information anyone, including local law enforcement, would need to find the culprits.

The local news has been keeping an eye on this case, which has unfolded over the past week. Before law enforcement had even seen the video, the Internet had found all the information needed to uncover the evil-doer and made it available to everyone. The social networking sites this stupid kid (yes, a juvenile....in the eyes of the law) used to disseminate his particular brand of psychopathy also got his dumbass caught. And while the parents may have been oblivious to the behavior going on right under their nose, I think it's safe to say EVERYONE knows now.

And while Dusty and the other cat (discovered in another video after some investigating) are safe from future abuse, this kid and his family are definitely not. I would wager a guess that several hundred thousand angry hackers, scriptkiddies, and media junkies have and will continue to email/call/visit massive pain upon his family, friends, high school, town, etc. The new cultural standards of justice (and the Internet is the New World Order) isn't very impressed with the Criminal Justice System, and will be less impressed with the Juvenile Justice arm of said system). Long after these kids have served their time, they will still be infamous. Anonymous never forgets, after all.

This story hit me pretty hard. I saw the video. I raged. I have two cats, both of which are rescues, one was pretty obviously abused by her previous person. Also, having studied deviant behavior, I am hoping officials will recognize that behavior as a serious red flag. The trinity of serial killer warning signs - animal abuse, fire-starting, bed-wetting....I'm wondering if this kid will get the treatment he needs to keep him from becoming a monster, the potential of which he's already showing. Domestic cats depend on their people to protect them. So this was the mindset I was in Thursday night as I walked home after a long day at work.

This is what I saw, playing in the light of the streetlamp, scared but willing to cautiously approach me (not actual cat....but a very good likeness). I petted her/him for a while, then tried to walk home (knowing I can't have another cat). This little guy wouldn't let me take one step. My first thought was if he followed me home, I'd bring him in and feed him. But having two other cats and believing this to be a stray, I didn't want to expose my kitties to anything. So I called animal control and waited for the officer to respond. When she finally drove up in the van, I picked up the kitty so that he wouldn't bolt - but being close to the parking lot and seeing other people, he got spooked and wriggled out of my grasp.

He paused briefly to shoot me a sad look before disappearing down a storm drain. I tried to coax him back up, but the officer said don't worry, she would set a trap in the morning, at least down there he's out of the wind.

I walked home defeated and was oh so sad. About a half hour or so after getting home, I got a call, and it was the AC officer. She let me know she went back with some food and was able to get the kitty back to the shelter, where he was warm, fed, and still very friendly. He'll be adopted by a good home with no trouble at all, she said. What was a sad, story of incredible fail has turned into a warm fuzzy tale. This incredibly friendly, sweet little cat didn't have to stay outside in the cold and will hopefully find someone to love him unconditionally.

That's my tribute to Dusty, and all the cats who aren't lucky enough to be loved by someone good.

My HOPE is slowly returning....

2009-02-21T14:06:00.004-04:00

As an angst-ridden 20-something suffering from a quarter-life crisis, politics have always had their place far behind everything else that mattered. Especially since I couldn't identify with and found the previous administration (the only one in power from the moment I could vote) abysmal. It hardly spoke for me or any of the Americans I know.

As it became more feasible that the Democrats would take office, I started to see the potential for improvement - and yes, Obama made me hope for a more progressive future.

Politics-as-usual and the Media's cancerous take on every little "crisis" started to darken my opinions. And while Obama has been more progressive and inclusive than any president I've known in my lifetime, hearing him utter the phrase "non-believer" at his inauguration reminded me that he still lacks the perspective to know better.

And yet.....

This AlterNet article highlights some of the causes that I see as a step in the right direction. Strengthening our infrastructure, by putting money and attention toward better mass transit (high speed trains! woooo wooo) and stronger Internet access (now if only he could promise to protect the Internets from corporate plunder). Though these steps are small (a cop for the new Drug Czar.....a reform minded one, though), I'm beginning to feel some hope again. Obama has shown more love the the LGBT community than most high-powered politicians are willing to give. Denying funding the right-wing church groups that discriminate is a nice touch of justice.

A bit of personally relevant news in the new stimulus package is with the faster-than-life tax cuts Obama has said will go into effect by April 1st. Personally relevant because when I sat down to do my taxes this year, hoping for my usual bit of refund to help fund my new PC build, I found that the taxes withheld just exactly (with $1.05 extra) matched my expected contribution to our national coffers. While still making a salary that allows me to live more comfortably than most people in the world, as a single person living alone in an area with one of the nation's highest Cost-of-Living....I've recently been contemplating a roommate. While I'm tickled I may get $65 dollars more a month (or will I....my cohort is inching up the singles bracket, but I'm certainly not a "family"....unless single mother of two cats counts....), I don't quite understand how we can a) give money to private interests, b) dish out more money to infrastructure/etc for the stimulus plan, AND c) take less money in from taxes.

I'm willing to pay taxes if I can count on getting in return services I believe any industrialized, progressive nation should promise citizens. What I was hoping for from Obama immediately (he's been there a month now....) was single-payer HEALTH CARE. Infrastructure for public transit and green jobs was next. Revamping our housing situation from the ground up (meaning public housing initiatives for homeless and poverty-stricken, focusing more on affordable housing options, and helping those who don't understand basic economics to get into home-ownership they can actually afford) was in there too. But to be honest, some of these issues may be in the works. Obama did show some love the the green warriors in his stimulus package, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to what we need to change.

I will certainly be watching a little more closely. It's hard to get a feel for what's being done when the Media approaches everything like a frenzied, ignorant, hive-mind. If I continue to hear boo-hooing about the economic crisis, with no reporting on what is and can be done (individually and nationally) to make things better.... Things will change, things HAVE TO change. Blindly holding on to a way of life that is unsustainable by every measure will only hasten our fall.

Viva la Revolucion!

2009-02-07T13:56:00.003-04:00

Not being anywhere near home-ownership (nor will I be anywhere in the near future), the housing crisis has not hit me or anyone I know (who's talking about it).

This article is absolutely brilliant. I have been enraged that people are being stepped on as these private corporations are getting the people's money with no clear sign that the money is being used to help those facing foreclosure and losing their homes. While who-knows-how-many Americans are becoming homeless, irresponsible, greedy bankers are flying their private jets to Washington to beg for social assistance (whole new spin on welfare?) and rewarding post-bailout bonuses to already filthy [rich] CEOs.

One fearless leader representing a no-doubt hard hit Midwestern state has THE best solution - squat. She's guessing these troubled banks can't produce the paper to back up the contract and hey! Possession is 9/10ths of the law. Bravo. She advises against face-offs with sheriffs enforcing eviction, but a little look at how many evictions are actually being sent for sheriff action and maybe some citizen focus on what is more important (evict families or deal with active felony charges, domestic violence, etc - as most sheriff's departments also handle), maybe we can stand up for our fellows for once.

1. Squat
2. ????
3. Profit!

Read this online.

2009-01-26T22:44:00.001-04:00

A People's History of the United States

Sacrifice? How about consequences....

2008-12-26T12:05:00.004-04:00

I have been hearing and thus thinking a lot lately about the act of sacrifice. I feel like we are going to hear this word a lot in the coming months, whether or not it actually fits the circumstances.

For example, Vice-President-Elect Biden said something about everyone needing to sacrifice to save the auto industry. What? As the NPR op-ed piece noted, sacrifice cannot, by definition, be forced. I don't remember getting a call from my "leaders" asking my opinion about the bailouts that these privately-owned, for-profit, corporate entities are getting (from the taxes paid by us schmucks). An economy in shambles that forces a change in lifestyle is not a sacrifice, nor is someone in power handing out money to corporate bigwigs that could just as easily go to social programs that help the American people. Instead of assisting the growing homeless population get housing or stocking depleted food banks, our fearless (fearless, because they will never know real desperation) leaders choose to give some auto makers a do-over.

I realize that many politicians are spewing this catchphrase to lessen the blow to their constituents because of the commonly held values of the Judeo-Christian culture - sacrifice is noble, right? If you are sacrificing a standard of life you've been promised and come to expect, whether you would have chosen it or not, you can use that false sense of sacrifice to distract you from any meaningful action. You can still be numb and they can still get away with treachery and greedy actions that help only the wealthy.

A great example of this is an article I recently saw profiling a mother who was "sacrificing" luxury items for herself and her husband so that she could still buy a garage full of plastic toys for her children to open up on Christmas (and then likely forget about by Easter). She saw this sacrifice in her expected standard of living noble, and yet this (upper) middle class family was fed to American readers just before the big shopping season. We didn't see families so hit by the economy or job loss that they were losing their homes or moving into shelters. We didn't see a profile on anyone forced to take second and third jobs just to feed their families. It was just painful enough (oh, god! no Starbucks?! No mani-pedis?) that we would shudder and thank our lucky stars, then go consume more. Is this sacrifice?

I don't value sacrifice. When you are truly choosing something on the basis of your morals and values, there is nothing sacrificial about it. When forced, or when made compulsory by a value system you do not choose, there is nothing noble in sacrifice. Giving up one thing to support another that you value more is Choice, not sacrifice. The chooser benefits. But when the action is forced, this is not choice and the term sacrifice - a concept used to guilt or push people to do things they wouldn't otherwise do - is sounded to stifle the discontent. Am I sacrificing by taking pay cuts because my elected officials do not budget for a possible economic crisis (fiscal responsibility)? Do I consider any of my actions lately (selling my car, taking the bus, buying less, having no compulsory gift-giving this holiday) as sacrifice? Hardly. In the first case I had no choice, and the latter my choice fits my values, and thus I am not losing anything. And for some reason, not choosing and having so little part in the decisions that have caused this financial meltdown and then being satiated at the loss forced on me with the quip that I am sacrificing - that really irks me.

Does how we relate to people and things change life?

2008-12-17T08:07:00.000-04:00

I'm reading a book about achieving a balance in life (Simple Prosperity: Finding Real Wealth in a Sustainable Lifestyle by David Wann) and I just finished a section highlighting the importance of social connection. It got me thinking about the way people approach relationships, not just with other people, but with all elements of their lives. This approach to social connections was split into I-You and I-It relationships, where I-You approaches connection without expectation of gain and I-It puts the other in the position of what I am getting from them. The former tends to be mutually beneficial and places you in an open, present mindset, while the latter often leads to an objectification of the other.

It's certainly easy to see why we should approach social interaction with others on the I-You plane and approach a relationship without expecting anything in return or specific behaviors from others. But what intrigued me is the argument that other relationships would benefit from an I-You approach, and that I-It has commodified many relationships in American life, including that with our environment, our food, and our things. This objectification makes it easy to seek to possess whatever we want and then just as easily throw it away and move on to the next acquisition. Enter over-consumption and an unsustainable lifestyle.

Now imagine (as I did with some humor) approaching your relationship with, for example, your food, on an I-You level. Once you stop giggling at the thought of greeting your peanut butter sandwich with pleasantries and thanking it for making the ultimate sacrifice, the benefits of truly appreciating everything you consume and being present in every moment can be pretty mind-boggling. Putting thought and effort into every interaction, with everything in your daily experience, really pulls out what is important and what has meaning. I often do this in the form of stopping to admire the squirrels near my house (occasionally waving to them or feeding them nuts).

This section of text equated giving meaning to such relationships with a spiritual experience. It reminded me of the relationship my Native American ancestors had with the world around them, thanking each living thing they killed to survive. Utilizing every part of a bison. Following the rhythm of the seasons. Likewise, the simple ceremonies ancient cultures revered, like the tea ceremony, recognize great meaning in small acts. Isn't life, after all, in the details? How much life do we miss as we rush through our daily responsibilities? How much life do we waste sitting in traffic or watching television?

The idea of shifting our approach to our own connections in the world, even with things we may take for granted, supports a change in thinking that is necessary to let go of our need for quantity and move toward quality. But also, it got me thinking about the people in my life. Few people would think of others as 'its' or objects, but the "what can he/she do for me" mentality is rampant. How many of our social interactions are quid pro quo? What if we really entered into social connections expecting nothing from the other person but willing to truly open ourselves?

This is something I have pondered on for a while, taking the Buddhist expect nothing approach in relating to others. Simply being there, truly open, interested and present. I don't know if it has made me a better person, but I feel like I do get something out of it and that the connections I make with others are that much stronger and more satisfying.

Last minute legislation on your holiday wish list?

2008-12-16T20:58:00.002-04:00

Brave New Films short highlights "midnight regulations"

Persistence in the face of discouragement.

2008-12-15T19:46:00.002-04:00

A while ago I got all hyped up to reduce my junk mail. I got excited after reading an article that made this green step seem simple and clear. I completed a request form with a major advertising marketer and sent in my processing check, then got ready to see serious improvement.

It was not noticeable, this improvement. Despite a few different actions on my part, I continue to get catalogs and unsolicited junk mail.

It is not easy, breaking the usual trends, especially in a niche as stubborn as advertising. Capitalism just does not want to die out, and we are all just faceless consumers. These days, playing by their rules and filling out request forms and sending $1 checks to get off their lists is not sitting so well with me. The sad reality is that I will have to continue fighting this peddling of my name and address to anyone willing to pay. The system is set up so that those of us who tend not to act, even if junk mail annoys us, will continue to play the game.

Today, before taking some mail out to the recycling bin, I took five minutes to visit the websites of the marketers in my hand. The company that markets the mass mail junk paper that fills my mailbox several days a week was easy to see on the return mailing address. Their website was easy to find too! What was not so easy to find was the place to request to be removed from their list. Even the catalog for a "green" company I recently bought a shirt from did not make it easy to stop paper mailings - which for a company pushing organic seems a bit disingenuous to me. After visiting several sites, it seems everyone has an automated system in place to stop unsolicited mail (just like spam!). They often hide them under the 'contact us' section. And as satisfying as completing the request can be, the resulting message that my name will be removed in 6-12 weeks kind of deflated that feeling.

That drives home the point that I need to pay more attention to the small print messages I'm being sent. Yes it is easier to just throw something out (can we say, privacy policy) - but when you fail to act, your name and information is sold to any takers, and you will continue to receive crap mail. Because I have the memory of a goldfish, I may already have signed up for opt-outs in the past - but I'm finding the best action is to immediately check every time I get a piece of mail. I am the queen of piles and procrastination, and the mail I hate getting works against me by hiding the opt-outs that could diminish the growing piles of mail I'm ignoring.

Even more fun is the revenge I am hatching in my head. I recently read that first class mail can be rejected! Simply mark out the bar code and address, circle 'first-class mail', and write 'refused: return to sender' on the postcard (and I say postcard because I get so many of these from Comcast, I'm beginning to think they did not get the memo on how much I hate them). I opted out of credit card offers a while back, but I occasionally get some piece of unsolicited mail that has a return envelope, postage paid. It would be such a waste not to let this fine company pay for postage when they obviously love mail! Maybe they would love getting some love letters I get from other companies, or maybe I can send them empty candy wrappers or other paper I have lying around. Maybe I can draw them a picture and mail it back to them, postage paid.

Ignoring these aggressive marketers does not seem to send the right message, so maybe playing the game more on their terms will help them figure it out. Or it will at least be entertaining for me.

Grand Gestures.

2008-12-15T11:00:00.006-04:00

What a surreal day, waking up to discover that the President and Leader of one of the most powerful nations in the world traveled to a country he invaded, made war upon, and continues to occupy, and a journalist throws his shoes at him. What does that say about the respect people have for our President? Are positions of power eroding, or was this a symbolic gesture of defiance to this particular leader?

Have a gander at various angles of the attack here (but you have to listen to President Bush's explanation and his assurance he did not feel threatened).

The journalist, based in Cairo, said in Arabic as he was taken from the room, "This is a farewell kiss, you dog. This is from the widows, the orphans, and those who were killed in Iraq." (BBC)

The journalist is being held by authorities and large crowds are gathering in support of his release.

How are we not raging?

2008-12-14T11:40:00.002-04:00

The economic reality is hitting some a little at a time. In my case, a budget shortfall in the state of Maryland is beginning to stand out in my mind next to the engorged private industry bail-out. Probably for a variety of reasons, but in no small part to decreased tax revenue from the housing crisis, Maryland had billions less than was expected and needed for the current budget to operate.

A month ago I didn't see much effect, but now I'm beginning to worry about layoffs.

Budget discussions and cuts went through mid- to late-summer, but the state is still struggling and state employees (in step with our county brethren) will be furloughed - meaning employees will be forced to take a number of unpaid leave days in the coming year. There are certainly some who make six figures for whom this will not be a major pain (and perhaps those people really should be getting a larger punch in the gut...), but many state employees make very small salaries. The state can make up for that with the benefits it provided (good health insurance, paid leave, etc), but benefits don't pay the rent. Reducing the actual salary of those employees making under the median can mean forcing employees to chose to cut something out. Maybe it's a trip to the dentist, maybe it's dental insurance altogether.

So I'm facing this reality, that my coworkers and fellow state employees may struggle with financial set-backs (caused in no small part by the greed and corporate profiteering of rich, white men) or even loose their jobs completely. As a single woman living alone, my financial situation is on the verge of crisis every week. My own personal financial choices may not go far enough to give me an acceptable level of security. I can only imagine how lives are completely derailed by the current conditions. It's not a pretty view. It's made exponentially worse by reading stories of these wealthy robber-barons flying in jets to congressional meetings asking for a handout from the taxpayers.

Private industry SHOULD NOT receive public funding. Taxpayer money should be going to support services like policing, education, fire safety, infrastructure, health care, and other services - not to help rich, white men who make and sell CARS!!!! We don't need cars. We need energy, we need food, we need a system of transportation that supports the people. Why doesn't the government take that $700 billion and create a system of green jobs that strengthens the infrastructure and our self-sufficiency and sustainability as a nation? Why on earth would we give money to banks that have already shown they cannot be trusted with money?! The government should take that money and set up a housing program that helps bolster sustainable, affordable housing. They should use that money to support local farmers and transportation that doesn't depend on oil. Why on earth should we be bailing out private interests? Their CEO's have money - make them cough up some dough to keep their for-profit companies afloat.

And yet the media keeps us numb, eyes glazed over and drooling at our TV sets. We are intentionally kept in the dark by the propaganda machines so that we don't see how wrong this all is. This proposed bail-out plan is only going to make the situation worse after a short intermission. Delaying the inevitable while ignoring the effects on those who are least able to survive such a financial blow shows how out of touch Congress and our government is. You serve at the pleasure of the people, and the people are going to wake up and see what you've done. When the system falls apart, we won't be bailing you out.

Get in line, happy consumers!

2008-12-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Consumption is a hard habit to break. Even though many of us may be sympathetic to messages denouncing the consumer-capitalist society that ties us to an unhappy cycle of working to buy crap, only to throw it away and buy newer, better crap, it is hard to completely deprogram ourselves.

Mostly because we do need some things (i.e. housing, food, clothing...).

Also because, while this message is trickling into the mainstream, it is incredibly distorted. The Media (that being the handful of owners that manipulate every message that most Americans receive) doesn't want to put this message out there because they make money from this over-consumption and from brand advertising.

I've mentioned this before, but this year my family, many of us burdened by the realities of our financial crisis, decided to forgo gifts. We also were not in the position to travel, so the mid-winter holiday won't be a family affair this year. I'm the only one of us totally alone in all this, as my sisters will be together and my parents have each other. Not having money has made not buying presents not only easy, but a realistic choice. And considering my downsizing goals (now 2 years in the making), not getting stuff I don't specifically want is actually a good thing.

I've been immersing myself in this reduced-consumption message for some time, and while I've made great strides from the person obsessed with nesting (who had the credit card debt to prove it), I haven't really made a serious commitment. Those brave souls who pledged to buy nothing for an entire year, or who only buy food produced within 100 miles of their home certainly inspire me. But there was always something else I might need, or want... I'm not really into hard and fast rules, and breaking from socially enforced thinking is high on my list of values - but considering my informal goals and my financial position, making some lasting promises to myself about consumption seems like a good thing to do.

I'm not "buy nothing" material - but I'm going to give it a shot. Maybe if I set my own rules I'll come closer to meeting them:

1. Buy nothing that I can borrow, rent, or download digitally.

I'm a sucker for books, movies, music, and the like. In the past 2 years, I've eliminated probably 80% of my book collection (and I'm raring to do the same with CDs and DVDs). I love the library, and I subscribe to Netflix. I am more comfortable with getting digital music in lieu of a physical CD. All of these options let me consume the information I want for free or with less expense and nothing cluttering up my space.

2. Buy nothing imported that is available from a local producer.

Supporting local businesses, farmers, artisans, and manufacturers ensures that my community will remain self-sustaining. The more local, the better, and I would support an American manufacturer over an international import. Imports are okay only if that product is not made locally or is a specialty item. This means, before I buy anything, I have to do a little research. Picking something off the shelf is a poor use of my power to choose - put your wallet where your mouth is....or something like that.

3. Buy nothing I do not love, have a daily use for, or both.

If I do have to buy something (and that need has to be fully supported and defended...I deserve it isn't good enough), it should be beautiful, well-made, and uber-utilitarian. I don't foresee too much that I need, but if something I use daily were to break, I will replace it with something I really love and will use.

4. Buy nothing new I can find in good condition used.

Obviously this rule doesn't hold for, say, undies... But with all the people throwing perfectly good stuff out (sometimes giving it away for free), that should be the first place I look. After all, all else being equal, brands to not make a product better. And "new" does not magically elevate a product above a well-made used item. In fact, some items are much more quickly and cheaply made today, while older items maintain their usability. This fits well with my love of vintage everything.

5. Buy nothing on credit that I cannot pay for outright with cash.

This is the real kicker. So many of my impulse buys would not have been possible without that little plastic card that Americans worship. In the past few weeks, I have taken it out of my wallet completely, but I'm really sneaky and still talk myself into weekend pizza binges and the like. Having a budget is pretty pointless if I can pull out the card when I'm short on cash. The problem lies in not holding to my budget (i.e. eating out and buying drinks at the bar) and using credit to make purchases that don't fall within my budget (largely impulse buys).

Since 5 is my lucky number (and I have a short attention span and poor memory), I think these five rules will be my best practice over the next year. Considering my current situation (sans car) and my future goal of moving into a group living situation in the city, hopefully my financial security will improve and I will wean myself off retail therapy. Defining ourselves by our things does not a happy American make!

Nothing gets between a shopper and his cheap imported crap

2008-12-01T08:19:00.000-04:00

It seems that stories like the recent death of an employee during a Black Friday stampede are happening more often. Pair difficult financial times with the cultural requirement of consumption and this is what you get. Desperate people who lose track of what's going on around them.

Mob mentality.

People so single-minded they fail to see that they are trampling all over life.

People have been quick to recoil from this sad tale and distance themselves from the ideology behind it. But what made this scenario possible is our way of life. This wasn't a bread line being rushed by hundreds of starving people, this was a 5am opening of a discount store for a ritual of mass consumption of cheap consumer goods. Televisions. Toys. Ipods.

Imagine how things will be when the oil to produce and ship food suddenly falls short and people can't get food to feed their kids...then maybe this behavior would be understandable. But buying gifts people probably don't need in a time when other Americans are barely able to feed their families...

What is even more despicable is the official response from Walmart:

Not once did the talking face mention the name of "the deceased" - the whole statement is so generic and distant from the reality of the "incident." Talk about desensitized. Best not use strong, emotive language or we may wake the zombies. Best not show compassion, or we may have to pay for it later.

I may have a problem...Or: What to do with the empties.

2008-11-30T21:46:00.004-04:00

I did some light cleaning this weekend and found a box of empty wine bottles (not pictured here =) that I had pushed into a dark corner to forget about. Procrastinating unpleasant tasks like carrying bottles to the basement to recycle fits with my tendency to procrastinate and my urge to make piles.

So now I have an insane number of empties that sort of make me look like I may have a drinking problem. Denial is fun.

But really, this cache of forgotten treasure has been building up for many months. The problem before me is how do I dispose of them in a way that either a) does not draw the suspicion of my neighbors or b) encourages them to knock on my door and be my friend because they think I could be wicked fun?

I'm going to dig up my camera, because this week's to do list has the potential to be fun. That's right, I'm actually going to take some of my own pictures to post here.

Is the economy affecting me or am I just tired of paying for happiness?

2008-11-23T10:05:00.002-04:00

Financial necessity is inviting a financial experiment within the ranks of my family. This year, no one else is able to travel to be together during the winter holiday. On top of that, I was recently informed that we "aren't doing Christmas." After being told this didn't mean a visit, this meant presents I began to think more about gift-giving in general.

My family has always bought into the traditions of Christmas in a big way. My parents spent enough on presents to set them back on credit well into the coming year. In inherited the behavior and very often racked up enough debt to keep me reeling until the following holiday season. Last year, well into my personal simplicity quest, my gifts were smaller, more personal, and purchased well in advance.

This year has been so busy and hectic in every other way, that the shock of the advancing calendar has been met with avoidance on my part. So next week is Thanksgiving and everyone is raining pity down on my family-challenged plans. So what? Yes I will probably be alone. No I don't want to feast with your family. Why is this sad?

Christmas, however - is another story entirely. I've long asked my parents to spend less money and said the important tradition was us being together. This year, the togetherness may not happen. And the presents have been bypassed (we shall see who holds to this agreement). I've been thinking of other ways to spread some love to my family without spending money. Then of course we have gift exchanges at work - which I have never participated in. Potluck lunches - which can add significantly to my food budget. Yes, the economy is affecting me; but society has more to do with that than economic crises.

Gifts are so commonplace and everyday in this day-and-age that they are almost expected at every possible momentous event. Add to that the expectation that fun is only to be had by going out to restaurants and bars, and my spending practices are pretty much out of control. I spend so much money on my rent, yet I never have anyone over. And aside from a friend or two who occasionally host a party, I almost never spend time at other people's residences.

If I can't talk to my family about not buying presents (I had no part of the decision to bypass gifts) how can I convince my friends there are ways to have a good time that don't involve jacked up prices of food and drink. It's such an acceptable, normal practice, that no one seems to question it. And while I like eating out, recessions hit us poor folk first - and it's time I take a stand.

Is Fox News affiliated with Fox?! Or: Bisexual Babes in TV-land

2008-11-22T15:51:00.002-04:00

I don't own a television. Too much of my precious time was sucked away by stupid reality shows and game shows...and stupid, poorly written sitcoms.

That said, I still love a few shows (and am open to new ventures given the right enticement). On that list are two that run on the Fox network and are available online. House and Bones.

Recently, story lines involving bisexual relationships have run on both shows - which has me both intrigued and confused. The inclusion of LGBT characters and relationships in mainstream shows is something I looked into for a paper years ago - at that time ER was a ground breaker. Looking today at these two popular, well-written shows and the inclusion of bisexual female characters and story lines highlighting interpersonal relationships, the brief flickers of Dr. Whatshername's trysts look tame.

In House, the character lovingly nicknamed 13 is using one-night hookups to deal with her diagnosis with a fatal, degenerative disorder. The hook-ups just happen to be beautiful women. This behavior is nothing new for male characters in television. Even women have recently used sexual promiscuity to signal their independence. But given that gay relationships are practically invisible in mainstream dramas and sitcoms, a bisexual female boot-knocking session is pretty new to the scene.

More importantly, the character is forced to see her one-night stand in a different light when she ends up with a hard-to-diagnose disease. She even begins to bond and show real affection in moments that for tv in general seem pretty...normal. The visibility of human interaction, of relationships, involving two women is a step in the right direction to society acknowledging the equality of all people. A quick look at the online comments snaps us back to reality with some blatant homophobia, but ignorant people always scream the loudest. I just ignore that crap.

In Bones, Angela - the artistic lab-vixen - who recently ended a relationship runs into an old college flame. She just happens to be a pretty hot woman. And while the dialogue dances on the issue it is also made to seem pretty normal and acceptable. Again, visibility removes fear of the new and unknown. And how could anyone not love Angela?!

Enter my confusion. Two amazing shows taking on social fringe issues in a good way on the Fox network. Considering the overt racism, sexism, and homophobia of the news channel that goes by the same name, I'm at a loss.

Sex Sells....Or: Bedroom eyes, meet crappy cell phone

2008-11-21T22:30:00.003-04:00

When I was young, my very creative cousin and I role played our interpretations of real life...sort of. Wyoming can get pretty boring, and I know now the family of that friendship in tapping my creativity (while giving me some valuable social contact; you can only catch bugs and make potions by yourself so much before you become totally unacceptable in civil society).

Aside from the zombie game (can't quite remember what the name was, but it usually involved some form of the undead "infecting" the others until no one was left; having 30 some cousins has its advantages), the traffic-based game ("town"...maybe our names weren't all that creative), and filming "plays" - we very often set up little capitalist societies that involved professions. I was often an ad exec.

Shocker.

Years later when I attended compulsory classes on advertising, I was totally over commercials, billboards, and other forms of selling crap people don't need for more than the plastic is worth. Today...well, let's just say I block out ads where I can and make fun of the rest. My addiction to "stuff" is in the latter stages. My addictions to everything else is only just picking up. (Considering my current read, Choke by Chuck Palahniuk...about a recovering sex addict....my interest in addiction despite believing I do not have an addictive personality is peaking.)

Today, while bidding a colleague adieu, my friend who manages the phones for our department was handed a box. The box held a phone. The phone carrier is not that great, but the box...now that held my interest. On the back of the box was a close-up of a face. A [very good-looking] man's face. His expression was unmistakable. I think I've managed to at least doing a very good mimic of this expression - what I call "bedroom eyes."

This come-hither box not only was using sex blatantly to add appeal to a crappy phone - the ad text (someone got a bonus that year) said I'm not just thinking Do. I'm thinking Do More.

My friend thought I needed this box-head, and I named box-head "Austin" because the guy could have been a cowboy and that's just kind of a hot name. The box now lives on my desk, where (as my friend puts it) I can glance over occasionally and get a nice pick-me-up. The bedroom eyes are nice - but for some reason I prefer a nice smile. More to the point and less...presumptuous. I guess in the end, I'm annoyed that box-head thinks he's getting some when the phone he's selling can't consistently get a signal and whose annoying push-to-talk feature makes me want to strangle people (more than talking on your bluetooth while in public, which just makes you look crazy; I can talk to voices in my head without shelling out the bucks for an earpiece that makes me look like a tool.)

Maybe not having a television, or not getting barraged by ads when I'm online at home, has sensitized me to the ridiculous double entendres that now constitute commercial sales. Or maybe being single makes not only friends, but phone-makers too, think that I will get confused and desperately pick the sexy phone box because I'm lonely.

Either way....I'm both intrigued and annoyed by the box...and so it sits on my desk.

Keep your religion out of my life! Or: The fine line between Church and State

2008-11-20T08:08:00.000-04:00

Watch out Catholics!

President-elect Obama may make abortions easier to come by. In this recent meeting of bishops, the fear of allowing women the right to choose (instead of *gasp* making it harder and watching women die and suffer as a result of illegal and back-street procedures), even going so far as to contemplate denying Vice-President-elect Biden communion to teach him a lesson.

During my college years I studied the history of abortion, and it was only in the last hundred years or so that the Catholic church came out against abortion. Prior to this, it was a commonly held believe that "life" didn't begin until the quickening, when the mother began to feel the child move inside her. After the condemnation from the Church (bad with dates, but I believe the end of the 20th century) and other social forces, the laws in this country were changed, and suddenly poor women and minorities (because the wealthy could still pressure their private doctors to perform the procedure in their home) were forced to seek help from quacks. The result was death to women who had no other options and professional death to doctors who tried to help the women who came to them begging for relief.

Today, there are many available contraceptive options (though the previous administration has tried to shut down as many Family Planning facilities as possible, and push ineffective abstinence-only education instead of making such options available) to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. But the fact is, there are medically relevant and necessary reasons women should be able to choose a safe, medical procedure to end an unwanted pregnancy. For some women, the possibility of carrying a child to term and giving them over to adoption is not feasible (and let's not kid ourselves, there are so many unwanted children awaiting adoption and living in the foster-care system; until any loving adult can adopt a child in this country, adoption is not the best option, in my opinion).

And for those of you not stressing the convergence of church and politics, rest assured - they are trying to violate this legal separation. We cannot stand behind the constitution and hope others respect it as much as we do, or put as much credence into the intentions of our founding fathers. If the recent campaigns by religious groups in support of Proposition 8 in California and other similar measures that passed in other states two weeks ago are no warning that faith groups are willing to put money and time into supporting political measure - clearly violating the separation of church and state and putting into serious doubt their tax-exempt status (make them PAY!!!).

Both of these issues amount to one group of thought forcing religious values and morals onto those who do not share their perspective. The diversity of this country does not allow us to assume we can control how others behave based on our own faith or philosophical principals! The fact that so many adults believe this (to the point of taking others' lives to prove themselves right) is very strange to me. Perhaps I should start a campaign based on the scientific viewpoint that having a large family increases your carbon footprint and the speed of climate change (putting ALL human life on this planet at risk, you value life, right?) and require Americans to have only one child...or maybe put in place a lottery that chooses those who get to have a child, and those who must adopt a child. Does that sound good? Sounds pretty reasonable when you consider the current global climate crisis, but we freedom-lovers would never consider such a measure.

Those who violently oppose abortion, or guiltlessly deny their fellow Americans a right to a civil marriage, might argue that it is a totally different situation. But I beg to differ. How is the life of all humans (or one mother, for that matter) less important than an unborn fetus? What "culture" and traditions are you defending? Do you realize, even within our society, multiple "cultures" and "traditions" are being lived out every day? How about you carry on with yours and let those who don't belong to or support your "culture and traditions" have their own. After all, the "institution of marriage" is a legal, state-created institution - what you deem a religious marriage is not even an issue. No one is going to force you to proclaim that your god approves, or to join two same-sex people in your church. No one cares what you believe, but you are certainly within your rights to believe it. But do not try to control anyone else or make them believe or embrace your religious culture.

Learning to break all the right rules

2008-11-18T08:30:00.000-04:00

Can't say that it's been that great, no, in fact it's been a wasted worried year. ~ The Raconteurs

As the Celtic new year rolls in (think back to Nov. 1), I was planning on spending the week in reflection of the past year, come and gone. Reflection, at the right time, can be just as therapeutic as avoidance. The latter I have mastered in the past month or two. Personally, I haven't done much serious choosing in my life thus far, and this momentous presidential election coincides with a very open moment in my life.

Until now, while I have made choices, I have also been more dragged along by the moment. I have let circumstances dictate my future path, without really looking at what was in store for me. Though I've never embraced the status quo, I have somehow managed to maintain a fairly "respectable" life. I have bought into mother culture and societal standards, even at times believing that was what I wanted. I became a good consumer, a model citizen, and a buyer of tales. But today, I can't relate to any of it. I see no value in spending most of my waking life working for a system I don't believe in for the benefit of amassing things. Or struggling to get the basics based on our standards of living, only to find out 30 years down the road that those basics have sickened my body, mind, and soul. Not to mention destroyed the planet's ability to support the children I'm expected to produce.

So many of our choices are forced on us, with the consequences hidden behind I beautifully painted face. So many of us believe what we are told without question, without thought.

What have I lived, what choices have I made this past year?

I learned to value my needs and feelings above the cultural push to accept, love, and nurture in every relationship. Sometimes relationships are toxic. Sometimes no amount of trying will change interpersonal dynamics, personal preferences, or future goals. This past year I began to see that at some point I adopted values that were not my own. I succumbed to dreams that I had never had and bent my options and future to match. I forgave or ignored what I should have seen and punished myself for things I should have embraced in myself. I learned you can love someone, even when you know you cannot be with them and have to let go.

This year I took a good, hard look at myself. Those flaws, those truths, those essential descriptors of me that have so long been ignored - I embraced. There are realities in my life that may not be popular or "normal" - but I'm not going to lie to myself any longer.

And on the topic of lying - I recognize my own self-handicapping behavior. How many times have I had a dream and cut myself down before I even attempted to achieve it? Maybe someone told me it was unrealistic or not where my true strengths lie. Perhaps I was told I could never make a living on that path, so I should have a back-up plan. Well, I say back-up plans are for those who never really believed. If you fail, pick yourself up and reevaluate. But to put in less than your full effort because you are afraid to fall down denies your real value, your ability to choose.

I have denied my own existence, and as a result, I may not have really existed at all. Authenticity belongs to those willing to make decisions.

This exercise is not complete without looking ahead and welcoming possibility. In the coming year, I will make choices every day. I will define my reality and not weakly crawl through that of someone else.

When did discrimination become fashionable? Or: You should feel guilty, bigot.

2008-11-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

Hate and force cannot be in just a part of the world without having an effect on the rest of it. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I have had some trouble understanding why so many people pumped so much money and hate into the recent vote on Proposition 8 in California. In a search to find some clarity, I found some commercials (here, here, and here). Scare tactics implying churches may be required to perform same-sex marriages, adoption services being closed if they refused to allow gay/lesbian couples to adopt, the uncomfortable (if ridiculous) conversations with your children about where babies come from and "the same-sex attraction." WTF?!

This sounds like the rhetoric and propaganda I read about that occurred when attempts were made to pass the Equal Rights Amendment (which states that women have the same rights under the law as those given to men, sometime in the 1970's). It's these scare tactics, packaged in cute one minute commercials (so people don't have to think for themselves, research the issue, or....miss their fave tv show to appease their guilt in denying their "neighbors" civil rights) are what is wrong with American politics today. People believe whatever they hear, and how can you not believe that denying LGBT Americans the right to marry is okay when two gay men can't seem to answer their sweet, blond, daughter why people get married, if not to procreate!

And all this time I thought this was fear based on perceived "sin" or do-as-my-pastor-says (certainly couldn't be WWJD - because he seemed to love and embrace everyone); really this is about making sure anyone who enters marriage pops one out? What does that say to infertile, heterosexual couples, or those who choose not to have children. This "do it for the children" argument is weak.

While these poorly acted commercials were hard to stomach, let alone believe, this video showed real people making a show of support for the ideals (and the constitution of our great nation) America was founded on:

Hey, I don't know what the f^@# it means!

2008-11-14T21:06:00.003-04:00

Although it is true that only about 20 percent of American workers are in unions, that 20 percent sets the standards across the board in salaries, benefits and working conditions. If you are making a decent salary in a non-union company, you owe that to the unions. One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts. ~ Molly Ivins

Join the union, girls, and together say Equal Pay for Equal Work. ~ Susan B. Anthony

As a sociology major in college, I took an elective course on various social movements, one of which - the labor movement - I knew little about. I had of course heard the term union, however it meant very little to me, having never cared much about work. I also didn't come from a background of blue-collar labor. My father worked for the oil industry, but never talked about work or the importance of organizing the workers to gain or keep rights or benefits. My grandfather owned a business. If anything, I heard the term union spoken with derision and mistrust.

But by the time I came on the scene, unions and the labor movement seemed to fade away. That is certainly what big business wants. Maybe they learned that fighting the movement only brought attention to the cause. How many of my generation questions what we're handed, really? I think many of my peers would jump at any paying job given the financial woes that have been commonplace during our lifetimes. And knowing that my generation is the first that will actually do worse than our parents, maybe we've lost sight of the power of the people.

I hope this changes. I hope that the force behind the upcoming presidency and the youth push that seems to have made this possible will take a look at history and ask how have we allowed ourselves to go backward? Why do we allow industry to be outsourced to third-world countries with cheaper labor as we file for unemployment or take what jobs are available in service? Where are our skilled laborers? Why does everything we buy have to be imported? In the coming years, as peak oil sets in, where will we be? Why does the modern day worker blindly accept what's handed to them as the best we can hope for, while at the same time complaining?

Stop complaining! Get informed. Get active. Get involved. Make your voice and your contribution count.

I recently joined the ranks of the labor union that has represented me in bargaining with the state that employs me. I knew nothing about their efforts before getting a little curious. I have always felt unions do good work and allow the many that occupy positions of untapped strength to realize their rights, their power, their voice. And yet, like so many in this modern age, all my support has been abstract, support for an idea that had no real baring on my day-to-day. It didn't take much effort, people, to grab a little of the endless information that defines this digital age.

I put my money where my mind was. It's hard to open a door and not begin to think. I plan on attending meetings, understanding the issues. And maybe just maybe, voicing my concerns. I've always been bothered by people who are willing to complain but not do anything constructive about it.

In closing...for those who don't yet know who a union is:

Wink: Experiences in Cyber-dating

2008-11-08T19:02:00.005-04:00

I am not a good flirt. I learn this from real life. I barely dated in high school and college, though I did have the occasional boyfriend, crush, or unrequited love interest. I won't go into the psychology of why dating (or revealing certain feelings to someone) terrified me.

Fast-forward to my last, and longest-lived relationship, which ended about 4 or 5 months ago. The mixed excitement and terror at being single again, when I had convinced myself that I had found my forever-partner was jarring. I have dealt with this in vastly odd ways, from immediately courting more than one person at one time, to avoiding completely any obvious romantic advances and staying in my pajamas all weekend.

Then, by a lark, I signed up for Match.com, thinking back to graduate school when a friend told me how ego-pumping it was. When I was on a dating site before, I had corresponded with several guys and even gone on a blind-date. My initial excitement at finding some pretty normal, cute, and interesting guys was to pay for the privilege of dozens (I'm being hopeful) of creeps and stalkers ogling my picture in the hopes that a few good men would respond to the thought of me.

Why is internet dating not my cup of tea? Especially considering how much I adore online shopping (which given my finances is more like online window shopping). There is no immediacy, and I often have the memory of a goldfish and the focus of a hummingbird. I may look at a profile I quite dig, and tell myself to go back later. I don't jump on contact, because I am quite shy and obsessive. I have to think over decisions sometimes until I make them out of exhaustion. If I'm really moved, I may throw a wink out there into cyberland...then move on. Because unfortunately, dating sites are quite like catalogs, and who knows? I may find something more my style on the next page. Nothing objectifies or simplifies the human being quite like dating sites.

Enter the non-self-initiated wink or email from would-be suitors. This I thought would be even easier. Hey, they already think they like me, I've won half the battle. But while this may bring out the pickiness in some, the sense of immediacy so lacks for me (I mean, it's not like I'm on the street or the train and I have to make the jump right now), that I often move onto another task and forget the matter altogether. Even if I do think about the person and mean to send a reply, well, memory of a goldfish, people. No immediacy, no results.

While the winks I've received have provided entertainment, and the date shopping a spark for my imagination - Match.com has been a waste of money. I explained this away as me not really being ready to date, but that's not true. If the right person strolled up to me on the street, I would be ready. I also think the anonymity and protection the computer provides allows me to be more wishy-washy and choosy. I am hyper-sensitive to self-description as a means of knowing a person - but can we really know a person from a few pictures and paragraphs that often simplify how we are vs. how we want others to see us?

How many of us would say 'I don't much like fun and I am constantly uptight about little things like public knuckle cracking and improper grammar usage'? Of course we want people to think we are the life of the party yet sensitive, good-looking yet humble - not shackled to our mommies and obsessed with pornography and video games. Maybe my cynicism pointed out such patterns (note: I did not go back and read my own words after seeing so many other profiles).

My subscription dies out this week, and while I will miss my passive-aggressive window shopping, I can get that for free on MySpace, Craigslist, and my newly discovered Onion personals (yes, I have a profile there...). I am still pretty torn, though. It is impossible to meet new and interesting people (okay, not impossible, but slow going in our instant gratification sound byte society), and finding people that are purely experienced by my own expectations of how they really are is pretty fun.

Honestly, though - who really winks at anyone, except the creepy guys on the metro?

A Decade Can Say a Lot

2008-10-11T21:35:00.003-04:00

Ten years ago, I was a senior in high school. Seventeen, reeling from a depression likely tied to my anxiety for the unknown future I faced in leaving school and my parents home and a toxic relationship that was unraveling. My older sister was enrolled in college in a small Wyoming town that I was set against going to myself. How could I "find myself" so close to home?

The relationship would end, then sputter back, and end again - though it would be years before those lessons were understood and my anger waned. I would end up that very next year a freshman at UW and calling Laramie home for the next 4 years. But the events of that week, and the coming months and years, would forever be printed on my memory - the extent to which I underestimate even to this day.

A decade ago, I was a confused teenager. The news of Matthew Shepard's tragic murder wasn't the first expression of hatred and fear I had seen - but it changed everything in my mind. It touched me, but would become more personal as I saw how normal people reacted during the next few years I lived in Laramie, witnessing firsthand the gut wrenching displays of hatred and the uplifting acts of love I saw. There are moments and events that become pivotal and defining for human beings trying to understand this world, and themselves. I remember how I felt seeing Rev. Phelps' minions of hate - some bringing their children - carrying signs on the Laramie campus. I still feel my heart rise into my throat when I think of the angels who came to block those signs from view.

I wonder today if I would be the same person if I hadn't been in Laramie in the aftermath of this horrible incident that became a symbol for so many of how short we are of equality and compassion for so many of our fellow human beings. Reading the various articles that have been published in the past few days, I also wonder if I stopped moving forward - if I really processed the meaning of all of it. I am beginning to think the lesson I took from this tragedy is that our differences can get us killed. How can we even begin to bridge the kind of hate that would do such a horrible thing to another human being?

In the aftermath, seeing people proudly express who they are has always struck me as something wonderful. But to some extent, the fear I have internalized has in many ways stunted my personal growth and my own realization, let alone expression, of my own identity. I'm realizing this now coincidentally at the same time I'm being reminded of this senseless tragedy; a tragedy that would be followed as a stamp on my consciousness months later by the Columbine shootings in Colorado. Tragedies will continue to come and pass - but some events define who we will become.

Maybe I would have taken the safe road anyway - I certainly will never know. The reality of a cruel world in which normal-seeming people could willingly stamp out life because of something like sexual preference hit me especially hard. I want more than anything to say that 10 years later, things have changed. I want to be able to say that I live openly and without fear. I wonder how many people watched this moment unfold and instead of yelling loudly and spreading their wings against such hate, instead curled up and locked themselves away from the world.

How can I ever affect the world, when I am so affected by it? How can my words or thoughts ever have real meaning in the face of such terror and ignorance? I know from that day and others like it, that when people are touched by such moments - AND remember them after the media disappears - we change. One person can matter and can change the course of many lives. There is so much insignificant static consuming our attention that we are numb and we forget.

Worth Every Cent

2008-08-12T20:05:00.003-04:00

It took me a while to get behind buying music digitally. I guess I grew up in the age of CDs (although I did own a few cassettes in my day) and expect some cold, hard, plastic in my hand before I'm truly satisfied I've got my money's worth (take that whatever way you wish). But the desire to simplify and have less stuff, combined with the desire to support musicians and hear new music has finally led me to fully embracing digital music purchases.

Embracing to the tune of $60 in my most recent expenditure.

But despite picking and choosing only a few, I have been absolutely in love with what I chose. If you haven't checked out The Raconteurs....please do so for your own edification and titillation. Broken Boy Soldier and Consolers of the Lonely are both wonderful....I don't think there is a single song on either album I don't like and there are a few that totally transport me to a world where everything around me is like a movie. Or...it all begins to feel like a movie in my head. The soundtrack to my imaginary movie world is always better than the real world seems to produce.

Additionally, add to your list: Rilo Kiley and Vampire Weekend.

On book news (don't want to spoil, but I'm halfway through Bonk and LOVE it):

Go Ask Alice - selected for it's buzz...or at least I think at one point this book was mentioned in some context somewhere. I turned the last page and said...'Yeah. Right.' Maybe I just doubt that any amount of drugs or addiction take longer than a year to bring about the death of a teenager. Mostly because I went to school with plenty of users...who never came off as "addicts" or even slightly resembled this (in my opinion) fictionalized account of drug abuse. Once and she's hooked. I don't even think that's physiologically possible. If this was a real person...well. Whatever. I don't support dependence or serious abuse, but human cultures have used various substances to alter their consciousness for millennia. Are there abusers who end up on the street or hooking or overdose and die? Sure. Was this believable as a teenage, American girl hopped up on hash? Not even slightly. I've read better drug books. This was clearly the work of an English major. Sorry. Who was Alice again? Waste of a day.

And the movie that keeps returning every time: Boondock Saints.

Not one of Sean Patrick Flannery's better movies: The Demon Hunter. Great as a bad horror movie if you are into that. Lots of gratuitous sex and nudity, with some gore thrown in. And that oversexed older dude who is always cast as a demon (is this a series?). But Flannery made it worth the viewing, even though I laughed through most of it.

And that's where women belong....

2008-08-02T19:15:00.002-04:00

I'm not always up on political happenings on the hill, but at least I don't have my TV (don't have one) and mainstream news to blame for that. Warning - boring but important information follows:

The following is full text of the President's response to House Resolution 1338 which would give some teeth to the equal pay for equal work (i.e. pay women what you pay men....) argument:

"The Administration strongly supports and aggressively enforces our Nation’s anti-discrimination laws and is firmly committed to the principle of equal pay for equal work. But rather than contributing to that cause, H.R. 1338 would make enforcement of these laws more difficult and error-prone and invite a surge of litigation. Therefore, the Administration strongly opposes the “Paycheck Fairness Act.” The bill would unjustifiably amend the Equal Pay Act (EPA) to allow for, among other things, unlimited compensatory and punitive damages, even when a disparity in pay was unintentional. It also would encourage discrimination claims to be made based on factors unrelated to actual pay discrimination by allowing pay comparisons between potentially different labor markets. In addition, it would require the Department of Labor (DOL) to replace its successful approach to detecting pay discrimination with a failed methodology that was abandoned because it had a 93 percent false positive rate. Thus, if H.R. 1338 were presented to the President, his senior advisors would recommend that he veto the bill."

Here is what this amendment seeks to do:

SUMMARY AS OF:
3/6/2007--Introduced.

Paycheck Fairness Act - Amends the portion of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 (FLSA) known as the Equal Pay Act to revise remedies for and enforcement of prohibitions against sex discrimination in the payment of wages to: (1) add nonretaliation requirements; (2) increase penalties; and (3) authorize the Secretary of Labor (the Secretary) to seek additional compensatory or punitive damages.

Requires the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and the Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs to train EEOC employees and affected individuals and entities on matters involving wage discrimination.

Authorizes the Secretary to make grants to eligible entities for negotiation skills training programs for girls and women. Directs the Secretaries of Labor and Education to issue regulations or policy guidance to integrate such training into certain programs under their Departments.

Directs the Secretary to provide for certain studies, information, national summit, and guidelines, awards, and assistance for employer evaluations of job categories based on objective criteria.

Establishes the Secretary of Labor's National Award for Pay Equity in the Workplace.

Amends the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to require the EEOC to collect certain pay information.

Directs: (1) the Commissioner of Labor Statistics to collect data on woman workers in the Current Employment Statistics survey; (2) the Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs to use specified types of methods in investigating compensation discrimination and in enforcing pay equity; and (3) the Secretary to make accurate information on compensation discrimination readily available to the public.

Seems like a whole lot of statistical collection and making information available to the public. Or is the White House worried that when women know they are STILL being bent over they might get a little bitchy? Politics are politics. I guess if the major news channels don't cover it, it never really happened...kind of like global warming, right?

Fresh Starts and This Crazy Life

2008-08-01T20:28:00.003-04:00

I've always kept a modicum of privacy, even though I think the only people who read this are friends and family.

The past couple months have been pretty difficult and I've been noticeably absent here.

During the class I had to commute for, I was going through a little more than hives (which might explain the hives). While I'm only now figuring out by what this allergic reaction was triggered, I'm also still dealing with the painful personal situation and the busy work situation. Now, as I eat after dinner mints and drink Shiraz, I'm thinking that bottling the painful does not a happy person make.

Do any of us really get to pick the lives we want? We may find we are happy in the life we have, but sometimes it is completely out of our hands - and while it may make us who we are, small things can also change the course of it all. It's not productive to regret or think on where we might be 'if only,' but I wonder how much of where I am on this particular night is not a product of my hopes for one particular relationship.

Getting out of Wyoming was the first step, and once I completed school, I really could have gone anywhere. The first step was the hardest. But I maintain that I love the Atlantic Coast. Would I have chosen to stay in the DC area if not for love, though? I wonder. And now that that love has broken my heart and turned me cold, possibly making me not ever want to legally bind myself to another human, I wonder if I am here for another reason, or if it's time to move on.

Today I sold my car. Next week when the check clears, I will pay off my credit card. I still think I have too much stuff - but maybe I have an innate urge to run that any amount of personal property would inhibit. I have dreams that I have not even tested. But I'm getting there. Looking back on these past three years, I feel sad. A lot in me has changed, has grown stronger, or had died completely. This is not where I thought I would be, but I feel good about where I am going, because I finally feel comfortable with myself. I can feel pain at the loss of this relationship, but I still have me, and I'm a better me than when I first fell in love or planned a future with another person. And I am thankful for that.

So for those who don't see me much, or those who see me every day - I'm the best I can be and I am living every day for my convictions. And that's the best I can do. And be nice to me for a while because this is pretty hard.

Countdown

2008-06-20T20:06:00.003-04:00

After driving one hour each way to a training course I'm taking for work, I'm more ready than ever to sell the car. I am getting nervous about the effort it will take. I have a pretty short attention span.

At the moment, I am also suffering through what I think is an allergic reaction to a recent experiment. I had purchased Sal Suds from Dr. Bronner's, a surfactant for cleaning. While they said it could be used for laundry, I think the fact that I have been probably a year without using any chemicals on my skin has made me a softy. I'm not a chemist, but the Sal Suds uses a sodium laurel sulfate made from coconut oil. Maybe it's gentle for cleaning floors and whatnot, but I will not be using it on clothing that sits close to my skin any time soon. I'm pretty flustered that I did maybe two or three loads (can't remember) with it, and now any clothes I wear, given this is what's causing my hives (yes, really awful!!), will keep aggravating my skin. I'm lazy...but I'm about to break down and re-wash everything.

So, back to soap nuts, and probably warm water to get a better clean going than the cold seemed to do. Maybe I'll try using regular Bronner's soap once my skin has calmed down. I know I'm not allergic to that since I use it regularly. I think I got a glaring answer to my question about which to go with.

The worms are alive! Though still too moist, they seem to be doing better, and there may have been some babies! They are small, practically transparent, and whitish little things. I haven't looked up online what to expect, but given how quickly and voluminously they are supposed to reproduce, this is the explanation I'm going with.

I've been reading a few blogs regularly that I wanted to share. I get good ideas from reading around, but I'm also really inspired by other people who are conscious of their everyday habits. I seem to find other great blogs by following links, so here goes:

No Impact Man
Fake Plastic Fish
Crunchy Chicken

Honestly, I look at their blogs and whither - but everyone starts somewhere, right? I may never get 150 comments, but I have at least one loyal reader! Maybe if I added some pictures, right? Or kept a little focus and wrote more regularly!

Political Participation 101

2008-06-16T19:33:00.003-04:00

I like to read. I get most of my information from reading articles from ezines and online news sources and well-informed bloggers. Somehow I got on some email list from a Congressman in Florida (only found out who this dude was this week) and I got info about the Kucinich impeachment resolution (that was so utterly missing from mainstream news UNTIL it was killed by the Democratic party and Kucinich after being voted into a committee). I had heard about the impeachment resolution of VP Cheney and the most recent resolution to bring impeachment charges against the President intrigued me. I'm so bad at remembering where I hear things and linking them...but a couple cool ladies from my area went caroling to support an impeachment (I wonder what they think of Kucinich now...). Long story short, I care about a few key political issues and accountability of politicians is HIGH on my list. These are our leaders - though they seem less to lead than to follow popular opinion that will vote them in - but they are no less beholden to our great constitution. Although rampant lawlessness may be sexy in Hollywood and graphic novels, it does little to help our nation.

So I wrote a letter to MY congressman. It's not hard to figure out who your congressman/woman is (or are if you have more than one...you can have more than one...right?). Anyway, I have one for my voting district. Obviously not an expert on all things political, but I vote. I care. People may not see a direct link to their immediate daily lives and what goes on in their state or the nation's capital - but unless you pay attention and care enough to, say, write an email, you don't have any room to complain when stuff like $4/gallon gas happens.

I'm going to post the response I got in full, not because it made me happy or docile, but because I got a response:

Dear Miss [removing my last name...because I know all about stalkers]:

Thank you for contacting me to share your views on House Resolution 1258, impeaching George W. Bush, President of the United States, of high crimes and misdemeanors. I certainly appreciate your taking the time to make me aware of your concerns about this important matter.

H.Res.1258 sets forth articles of impeachment against President Bush. The 35 articles maintain that President Bush has violated his constitutional duties and damaged U.S. national security interests by creating a secret propaganda campaign to manufacture a false case for war against Iraq, misleading the American people and members of Congress to believe Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction, illegally misspending funds to begin a war of aggression, and falsifying accounts of US troop deaths and injuries for political purposes, among other things.

H.Res.1258 was introduced as a privileged resolution by Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio on June 10, 2008. The House voted 251 - 166 to refer the resolution to the Committee on the Judiciary for consideration. While I am not a member of the Judiciary Committee, please know that I will keep your views in mind should this matter again come before the full House of Representatives.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me. To stay informed, please visit my website at www.hoyer.house.gov. While there, you can sign up for the Hoyer Herald, access my voting record, and get information about important public issues. If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me. With kindest regards, I am,

Sincerely yours,

STENY H. HOYER

Now am I naive enough to think he wrote this himself? Who knows. I wrote a letter last year about prescription coverage by my state health plan for the HPV vaccine, and got a nice letter returned by the Governor's office letting me know they reinstated coverage and that, yes, it was important. Thank you.

We all can use the excuse that our lives are too busy. Then sit our arses right back down in front of some mass-produced, mind-numbing television show (probably a reality show...that is nothing like reality). But imagine (or just look back at history) what happens when people participate in the political process instead of covering their eyes. It may be easy to ignore the unpleasantness of the world, but it doesn't go away. And when all is said and done, will our children look at the way we have behaved and thank us for our inaction?

If you can do one thing today, for 30 minutes, take some time to look at your state political scene. See who's representing you, what laws are being heard, where your money is going. Find one group that cares about an issue you care about and learn what they are doing to push their goals. Pick ONE thing that matters to you and the future of your children, and educate yourself on what your representatives think about that issue. Until we participate, this isn't a representative republic (and you are fooling yourself if you still think this is a democracy). Until we participate, they will keep doing what they like, or more accurately, what some corporate lobbyist pays them to like.

You can change your mind. You can change the way you live. You can talk to your friends. But at some point, you have to look up at the giants of the land and ask what they are doing in your name.

Summer Goals

2008-06-10T20:19:00.003-04:00

I think the last time I said I had goals, I promised to upload pictures. I'm lazy. Sorry.

The worms seem fine though, but now I'm wishing I had used a larger bin. Can't win em all. I say they will reproduce to meet my food waste needs.

The other un-updated project I haven't done anything with. Finding a used shelf solution to my pantry. I've moved some stuff in my kitchen and just stuffed the bottom full, but I'm so wasting space that I could use for bulk goods. (I sent an email to my grocery co-op about bulk foods - so maybe when they start bulk bins, I'll have a solution to my pantry.)

That said, I've got new goals. First, reducing plastic in my home and in any packaged product I purchase. I'm upset that my CSA puts all the veggies in plastic, still mulling that over. But simplifying even more and purchasing products that don't have plastic packaging is my goal. Replacing plastic with durable or sustainable products. Glass or stainless steel for kitchen stuff. Paper packaging for soap or toilet paper.

I had just purchased Sal Sud's from Dr. Bronner's for household cleaning, but that's another bottle. Seeing as I'm moving toward their bar soap in the bathroom, I'm going to have to choose one product and stick to it - even though they use recycled/recyclable plastic bottles. I've gotten back to using baking soda every once in a while on my hair, and I'm going to either do straight liquid Bronner's or *gasp* bar soap on my head. And I'm using baking soda and peppermint Bronner's on the teethies. (I use a Cider vinegar/water rinse, so I'm not worried about soap residue...I quite like Bronner's on the head).

So I feel bad, but I ditched some nasty old plastic containers and while hopefully acquire glass ones. I'm not microwaving plastic and not storing "wet" products in plastic if I can help it.

Some of the realities of plastic may force me to enact some rules.

1) Take-out food... Pizza boxes I can cut up and give to the worms (since they are NOT recyclable, despite my every wish. Dirty paper ruins a recycling batch. But composted is okay, so pizza is saved. But many other take-out places use plastic or Styrofoam.

2) Packaged food (i.e. the organic eggs I love) that comes in plastic. That's now banned. Glass jars, cans, or paper wrapped products only. I'm trying to reduce, so I may have tiny amounts to contend with. Which for now is fine but may change. Can we say synthetic wine stoppers and the plastic wrap "safe" things that go around jars.

* A note on this, I can't remember the site off the top of my head and I'm too lazy to look up a link for you, but I read about this guy buying Pom Tea and using the glass for drinking. I love Pom products and ended up buying a glass of tea, and the glass is so cute and even has a snap on lid. Some plastic involved, but I will totally keep these and use them. Cheaper than Pier One on sale AND I get yummy tea! Two-fer.

Everyone takes steps back. I was so excited about Dr. Bronner's new stuff I bought the hair leave-in conditioner/styler - which I like okay. And the lotion. Probably won't buy these again though, because they are just more plastic bottles to sit in my bathroom, when olive oil works fine on my skin and hair. But the competition is on for preferred cleaning product - Bronner's Sal Suds or Lavender Castile Soap. This is for the honor of washing my dishes and my laundry.

3) New product solutions for deodorant....the crystal salt stone I was using is gone. It's packaged in plastic (although I know some come on wooden handles). But I was also advised that aluminum alum has been linked to memory problems and Alzheimer's. The EWG doesn't rate them high on toxicity, but they acknowledge this finding. No Impact Man and others mention using baking soda. I'm trying that, but I also bought Burt's Bees sage spray deodorant. It's packaged in a recyclable metal container. Pretty strong smell especially for those who know intimately the scent of sage brush, but it dissipates. Don't have a solution yet, but one of these (or a Kiss My Face deodorant stick I had from before) has caused a rash. So now it's an experiment and a mystery - and I'm no scientist or detective...

Oh, and did I mention selling my car! Countdown begins. My long-distance class starts next week and the 25th I will be posting an ad and preparing for the sale. If I have not made a private sale within a month, I will go to someplace like CarMax. Won't get a good deal, but my goal is to get enough to pay off my credit card debt and no longer have to pay insurance or registration (both due in August).

Change your mind

2008-06-08T17:52:00.002-04:00

I just finished a couple good books. One: Daniel Quinn's If They Give you Lined Paper, Write Sideways. Two: Neil Gaimman's American Gods. And I'm currently reading Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club.

All running together in my head, I'm feeling rather disillusioned with the world and the life I take for granted as normal. Even as I strive to find a simple, sustainable lifestyle, I'm surrounded by so much culture that makes me sad and angry. And it's really, really hot....so it makes me tired too.

I have too much stuff. I think I need too much stuff. All of it seems wasteful and wrong, and yet I can't escape any of it. I'm bogged down in debt from my so-called education. I will never be free of this system of overproduction and over consumption.

But on the bright side, the Greenbelt Farmer's Market started today and I got some awesome locally roasted coffee and a Gerbera daisy to make me smile. It's the little things.

The worm bin and veggies are going well. Honestly, I'm overwhelmed by veggies and am barely keeping up. I biked to work every day last week, and will continue through the summer, because my bus changed to a later schedule and can no longer accommodate my working schedule. It may kill me before I get strong enough to do the whole trip without a break.

I am set and ready to advertise my car for sale at the end of the month.

I can't seem to let go of some of my things as I continue to simplify. For one thing, people on Freecycle say they will pick stuff up, but more than half of them fall through, don't show, and don't call. Ashamed I'm sure of breaking a social trust, they slink into the shadows of the cyber world and pretend it never happened. I think I commented on this before, but it still surprises me how people can behave when completely anonymous.

Back to the veggie thing (I will jump around because I'm super hot, and the laptop only makes it worse...I still don't want AC, but I wasn't ready for these temperatures in June). I am still stuck in the habit of convenience and craving instant gratification. I order pizza for delivery despite a fridge full of veggies. Old habits die hard. So this will stay short. I'm off to jump into a cold shower.

My Adventure With Rhubarb

2008-05-24T20:55:00.002-04:00

I was just over at Allie's website, my cousin with the push mower (no I won't get over that). Unfortunately I'm too lazy to have beautiful photos of my most recent experiment in the kitchen.

This week marked the official beginning of my first CSA summer. I picked up my produce box Thursday and made first contact with a vegetable known as rhubarb. Even as I began plans to cook this long red/green stem, I wasn't entirely sure it WAS rhubarb. I've never actually had this plant in my possession, it was only an educated guess.

I looked online and in my Joy of Cooking book for some ideas and settled on the one with the fewest ingredients, a rhubarb puree (oil, confectioners sugar, and cut-up rhubarb); I substituted some butter and olive oil for vegetable oil. Pulled out my blessed hand-blender, and voila. A yummy topping for some fabulous Stoneyfield Farm Vanilla Chai ice cream. Amazing how good it was, and how easy - despite my terror at initially opening up the bag on this unfamiliar veggie.

Now I just have to figure out if the next mystery is kale or collard greens...and what to do with them.

I Got Worms!

2008-05-22T20:36:00.002-04:00

I'm kind of enjoying telling people about my newly acquired worms just to hear their reactions. This morning I picked up my wormies from the post office (not left on my door, hopefully most of them survived their trip). The worm box has been sitting waiting for it's new tenants for a while, but now that I've got a weekly produce box I need the box to reduce the organic waste I'm throwing out. I'll post some photos later about the construction once I have some of wormy action.

And thus begins my new set of goals to reduce the amount of waste I produce and to have a happy green living space. I have quite a few plants that will no doubt love some worm tea and castings to grow big and healthy. This whole sustainability thing kind of intertwines. Eating healthy and composting the waste make me feel better and my plants grow. Reducing packaging (which means MUCH less produced foods) and composting reduces my trash output.

Simple living is wonderful. I could certainly go through some closets and further cut down on excessive stuff, but I've got a pile to put on Freecycle already. But the stress level, the money wasted, the energy waste in general - all have gone down during the past year. Farmer market season is upon me and I am really enjoying what little I've had and what I have to look forward to.

Transportation, my friends. I will be commuting to work next week on my new bike (I haven't named it yet, but it seems fitting). This weekend I'm going to plot out my route and check my time (and ability). I am looking forward to NOT OWNING a car. Not paying insurance. Not buying maintenance or gas. It will be a test of my ingenuity and patience to not be able to hop over to someplace when I think I "need" something. The exercise will do me good. The savings will do me good. The pressure release will do me good.

I look at my life and don't see a big deal in the changes I've made. The changes have been simple and easily received. The more I change, the easier it is to live a simple, sustainable life, yet so many people make it out to be a big part of who I am. I don't really see it that way. It's important to me to live my values and base decisions on important factors, like the future of human life and our culture. Politics are a pile of lies, but that's how we do things here. So I pay attention and read about things that matter. And I choose with those issues in mind.

Today I got worms. And while I'm really excited about them, it's such a small thing. So small compared to global climate change, the effects of which are taking hundreds of lives every time I check the news. Next month I'm selling my car. Small compared to the devastation peak oil will cause to our sense of stability when small things like driving to the mall or ordering a pizza are out of reach. Small. Yet if everyone made some small changes....

Feminist Card Revoked

2008-05-10T21:55:00.003-04:00

Maybe I don't read enough mainstream news (I figure you read one....they all pretty much say the same thing). So today I read an article (can't say I read the whole thing) that indicated that the women's movement was split by the two Democratic candidates.

I guess I assumed the argument would be that Ms. Clinton should be every feminists natural choice. But I object to this in so many ways, I didn't even begin to argue.

My first choice was Edwards - because he was the only real possibility (electable that is) that actually supported feminist values. The Green Party is inherently feminist, but I won't even get into that issue. When that option was pulled out from under me, I was forced to evaluate the other two electable candidates (Kucinich also pulled out, but was the best health care platform). Hilary, just because she has the same lady parts as me, does not in my view represent a feminist candidate. Voting for a woman to prove that women can govern is just as bad as voting against a women to say she can't. Hilary is not different in my eyes than many of the male politicians before her - she will pocket a favor from a major corporation or lobbyist just as fast. She supports the status quo. She is weak and pushes weak solutions to problems that need a strong answer.

Obama is not perfect, but his policies show more thought and change from the current corrupt, unsustainable, good-ol'-boy system we have. In my view a feminist woman does not pander to those who flap a dollar in her face. In my view a feminist does not play the same games that kept women and minorities out of the process for decades. She had a chance to show her potential - and she came far short of convincing me she had her own mind.

Does that make me a traitor to the women's movement? As a feminist, I want women and men to stand on the same level, with no regard to skin color or background. I have to support the policies I believe will better America and improve my lot in life (and that of all women). That is what is at the basis of my feminist foundation. To vote for a candidate only because she is a symbol of something and ignore who she is as a person would be a violation of my beliefs as a feminist. I am voting for who I think is the best candidate - regardless of any demographics. THAT IS FEMINISM. If you show me a female candidate who has the strength to stand against politics as usual - I will vote for her. I have not seen her yet.

Consider me Stimulated

2008-05-10T21:43:00.003-04:00

My original goal when receiving the presidential bribe known to many as an "economic stimulus package" was to reject the whole notion of consumerism-as-the-answer-to-all-our-problems. I have embraced simplicity and am weaning myself off the drug that is mass-consumption. I was going to pay off some credit card debt - an obvious sign that I am an American, underpaid and living beyond my means. A plastic player in our society.

And yet.

As the fabled check (in my case, direct deposit) drew near, my disbelief turned to plans. Yes, I stimulated the economy - but not in a way I think our president or many other merchants wished. I bought a bike.

For a couple reasons - I now bus to work, but for all it's improvements (for me and the environment) having the independence a bike would offer would be nice. The free shuttle has a restricted schedule and I often find myself waiting. To sit.

Which brings me to my other reason. I'm unfit. I sit. Too much. Riding to work will not only get me some fresh air, but exercise I don't get much of because I sit in an office all day and hate gyms. And yes, I need the exercise desperately.

So as much as the president (and Big Oil - I hate you Big Oil) wish I had upgraded my car (see previous post about my call from Hyundai) I cut the strings tying me to dying energy policies and ways of life that are unsustainable. I bet he didn't see that coming. So while I commend those who refused to stimulate a broken system, I finally have a bike. Which will complement my choice to sell my car even more thoroughly.

And my bike is beautiful. I balked and bought a new bike, but the shop is local and they offered lifetime maintenance. Which after shoving it in my Hyundai to get it home, I may need. I had to learn pretty quick how to take off a tire. And I learned how NOT to take off a tire after spending a long time trying to get it back ON!

Hopefully my tummy will soon be a thing of the past and I will kick some butt on the fine trails I've chosen as my bike route. I don't have to give up wine after all. I just have to ride my bicycle to counteract the liquid calories.

Frustration, Aggravation, Inspiration

2008-05-03T20:47:00.003-04:00

I got really excited about politics. But then I remembered what politics are all about in this society. My candidate of choice is not perfect, but Obama has yet to sell himself to the highest bidder. The Democratic race has disillusioned me, and every day I read more fodder for the fire.

Strange you don't read on the "regular" (meaning owned by one of maybe 8 billionaires) news establishments about actual newsworthy events, like our Supreme Court saying it's a woman's problem when, despite the law, she is paid less than her male counterparts. Too bad, right? McCain doesn't want to stir up any trouble that would be caused by angry ladies getting their due.

I'm pretty set on selling my car. I have a class that requires me to commute to the boonies for 7 days, so I'm planning after that to start advertising, which will be about mid-June. Until then I have time to test out Zipcar, buy a bike...yes, I want a bike (this has more to do with being active and healthy than my love of peddling), and generally get used to and informed about transportation alternatives in my area. And sometimes it's not enough to change your life - and you have to stand behind your choices and be active in the process. I can be frustrated with politics or I can have a voice on issues that matter to me.

I missed the first day of College Park farmer's market action. I'll be making my Saturday morning trips over there for fresh baked bread and produce until Greenbelt starts up theirs in June. I'm remaining hopeful about the variety of vendors....hoping for eggs and cheese. My CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) subscription starts up on the 22nd. That means it's TIME to get my worm box going, so all that organic waste from veggie and fruit trimmings won't be going into my trash. And I'm about to make some serious resolutions about my trash. The guilt builds slowly, but I'm at the threshold of being very aware of my own waste production. Much of it from food containers and packing materials. I can recycle most of the postal boxes I get, but I'm discouraged from putting pizza boxes (considered "dirty") out with the recycling. And a lot of places still use Styrofoam and plastic containers. It's just as well, because I've gained some weight that is really discouraging, and I'm trying to get back to eating well and being more active to cut that back to where it was. And to fit into some of the great vintage clothes I've gotten recently.

I finally went to the big nursery in the area and got a couple houseplants. I plan on going back tomorrow with a list of cat-friendly plants to buy. I've always wanted to be surrounded by green and I'm really motivated to work on my living space. My last box of books that went to the library took a while to unload. It's time to go back through the remnants of my college education and ask myself if I REALLY need to keep some of these textbooks. Most of them are probably obsolete anyway. And who needs a reference book when the world is at your fingertips (or the library is down the street)? If tomorrow that shelf space is occupied by plants, I think I will be more happy than those books could ever make me.

I've recently been wanting more photos on the shelves though. (Mom, where is that photo of us in New Orleans you were going to send???) I finally put my diploma on the wall. And pulled out some of my Boyd's bears to sprinkle around the house.

A couple days ago I dusted, and now everything is covered in pollen once again.

Another quick sweep of my stuff should top off the currently two bags of clothes I don't wear and excessive household stuff for the next charity pick-up in town.

UPDATE:

The check I sent several weeks ago to the Mass Advertisers finally cleared. Does this mean I can finally expect less junk mail?!

And this morning I was awakened by Hyundai - the dealership that sold me my car (yes, the one I want to sell) nearly 4 years ago thinks I may want to upgrade! It wasn't until I said no, thanks and hung up that I realized they didn't mean spruce up my current car. They meant buy a new car! Not only are cell phones and Ipods disposable, but cars! Cars that cost thousands of dollars and should last 10 years (according to their warranty) or longer, they are encouraging replacement after less than 4 years! What is wrong with us?

The next couple weeks (aside from getting my first box of farm fresh fruits and veggies) are pretty packed. My sister is coming out to see me for the first time ever, so I've got to impress! And for me, the first event in my festival season begins with Wine in the Woods. So excited!

At work I'm pulling together a team for a tournament - haven't played softball in YEARS! Today I actually threw and caught a ball....and I could still do it, even though it wasn't super great. The weather is great, the caterpillars are taking over (and we silly humans are killing them and ourselves in the process by spraying pesticides on everything), and the world is alive.

And I am grateful.

Because it's the American Way!

2008-04-12T18:15:00.002-04:00

I have been pondering a big part of my lifestyle - transportation. During the last year I took the step to mass transit, using the University shuttle system as my primary means of getting to work. I also took the Metro bus once, but I would of course prefer the free shuttle!

It was a bit of an adjustment, but I slowly got to the point where "getting there fast" took a back seat. It has been heaven not being a driver stuck in the war-game called commuting. The road is such an angry, dangerous place, especially when everyone thinks they are the most important and always in a hurry.

Yes, it does take longer and is less "convenient." My shuttle runs once an hour, not on weekends (don't go to work then anyway), and not during University holidays or certain breaks (that can be a pain as I am usually working). For getting to work, it works pretty good, even though it takes longer to get home after a long days work. But I actually like it.

I take the Metro to get into the city anyway, and taking a few more bus rides won't kill me. I feel basically comfortable and it's not too expensive.

I've found a very affordable in-between option - ZipCar. The University has a deal with them that would save me some money, and the option of reserving a car for a day or a couple hours is very flexible. I would have to try it to see how easy it is to make last minute reservations or how well-kept the cars are. But they cover insurance (and you can pay for a lower deductible in the event of a collision), gas, maintenance, and parking. You pay by the hour and for mileage, but I would get 180 free miles per trip through the University plan. Membership is $25 per year under the plan and I would have no application fee. I qualify with my driving record - so...sounds pretty good.

If I were to sell my car, I would pay off my credit card debt, cut out approximately $1400 per year (about $800 for insurance, $100 for registration, $200 for maintenance, and $300 for gas).

I would lose the "convenience" of being able to make last minute trips and would have to plan any trip I made. ZipCar says you can make reservations minutes in advance if the car is available, but that remains to be seen. Trips like emergency vet visits would be a little tough. I don't do much out of the area shopping, but impulsive runs to my favorite herb shop would have to be planned. My life at this point centers around my town, and any longer trips I think wouldn't be a hassle to plan ahead for a car reservation.

I think what is holding me up is the idea that owning this car is an accomplishment. It's a symbol of my independence and maturity. It's my "piece of the pie." Coming from a place where you couldn't get anywhere without a car, it's hard to let it go so easily. And despite the burden it is, I have a worry that as soon as I get rid of it (and selling a car is not easy or easily reversed) I will find I need it. It's that feeling of parting with a possession, but greatly amplified. Cars are worshiped in this country, and to be without one is almost a subconscious handicap to a full life.

If I lived in the city, I think this decision would be so much easier, but I don't. The suburbs have transit, but it isn't so great. Say I just want to pop over to a friends at the last minute? Get a craving for Chipotle? And on top of that, I still feel transitory - I don't know where I'll be a year from now, five years from now.

Philosophically, this is an easy decision. Seeing my lifestyle right now, where I want it to be, and the financial benefits - this is an easy decision.

But the conditioning I have from living in this culture is what is hard to overcome.

Extended Absence

2008-04-12T17:33:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've made a post. It seems I have phases where either a lot is going on in my life, I have a lot on my mind, or both. Then there are those long periods of blankness where I watch multiple episodes of Lost every night and do nothing. I've been doing a lot of that...=)

Besides getting through the first two seasons of Lost in a short amount of time, I've also been slowly preparing for summer. I've also been considering a few big changes. No, I haven't gotten around to the worm box, nor have I found a good storage solution for my pantry.

I've gotten a little obsessed with vintage clothing and eBay.

I've also bulked up my make-up collection after finding a mineral, all-natural company I love. I really suggest Alima if you are looking for a new make-up option. I was running low on the foundation I purchased last year and I'm very happy with this brand. As a color addict, I also found a great selection of eye shadow. Threw out all my remaining Cover Girl shadows and am now all mineral.

A Cat Emergency

Last week I started to notice some strange litter box behavior (she is usually very businesslike on the loo). After an emergency trip to the vet, and a harrowing night trying to collect a urine sample we got the diagnosis of bladder infection. I am currently force feeding nasty, pink goop to my unhappy cat. She has been traumatized (as was the baby, who thinks she will be the next to be grabbed and taken to some mysterious place only to return quite upset), and won't sleep in the bed I snatched her from. I'm just happy she didn't have a urinary blockage!

Too Much Information Alert

If you'd rather not learn intimate knowledge about my reproductive system, don't read on. I have also recently found my chosen birth control method - Nuvaring - is the culprit in a number of unpleasant health issues I've been having and blaming on something else. I had failed to link these things together, or even consider the ring as the problem, until recently when it occurred to me to look it up online. After reading some medical literature and numerous accounts from other users, I realized that this was not the miracle I had been making it out to be. And it led me to ask myself why I would pump myself full of hormones, for 10 years, and never question why I thought this was my only option. Honestly, I haven't even needed the contraceptive qualities for the full 10 years, but I remained on a number of pills, moving to lower doses to find something less damaging to my mood. But I never considered these pharmaceuticals as anything less than a liberator! Even though I knew I have always suffered negative side effects, I never thought there was a choice in the matter.

So I became so worried, angry, and frustrated last week after my epiphany, that I quit cold turkey. I want everything else in my life to be natural, but I've let doctors and big pharmacy companies to decide to drug me up. I have tried every low-intensity hormone option out there - and they all suck! I've gained weight, had acne breakouts, headaches, moodiness or depression, and a myriad of unhappy vagina issues...and then to top it all off, really not wanted to have sex anyway. It was nice having a regulated period - but that's not normal or natural. Makes me wonder what lasting effects I will suffer from having done this to myself for a decade.

After almost a week off, I've already seen my body try to shake itself loose of the synthetic hormones I've been drowning in. I feel better, and I think my weight is going to start to regulate. My sleep was initially disturbed, but I wake up less groggy and I've been much more energized.

And what, you may ask, am I going to do to replace these synthetic monsters? I've been researching the Fertility Awareness Method, and I'm about halfway through the most recommended book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I have been shocked and amazed by what I didn't know about my own body, and the lies I've been told over the years about female reproduction. I've been taking my Basal (waking) Body Temperature for a few days, and I'm pretty confident that this method will work not only as a contraceptive measure, but I will learn so much about myself. My health really is my responsibility. And when I am ready to have a baby, I will be that much more informed.

And most importantly, I won't be trying to alter a natural cycle in a dangerous and unhealthy way.

As you can see - a lot on my mind, a lot going on, and a lot of episodes of Lost.

Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap and Always Move Forward

2008-03-19T17:26:00.002-04:00

I've been using Dr. Bronner's Soap for over a year for multiple purposes. After seeing this video and reading this interview on Co-op America I ended up on the Dr. Bronner's website looking at all their products (yes...I bought some). I have struggled trying to both simplify and support natural products, and I'm not surprised to find that many of the brands I would have thought were all-natural are jumping on the "mainstream green" bandwagon and still using synthetic ingredients. Friends are always pointing out new products and I always remind them to look at the ingredients before making any assumptions based on market claims or product labels.

I currently use Dr. Bronner's in my homemade shampoo. I use the lavender flavor with some baking soda, tea tree oil, water, and glycerin. I also use it as a general cleaner, putting a small amount in a spray bottle with water and vinegar. (Dr. Bronner's makes a non-soap surfactant for cleaning! I will have to try it some other time.) After learning from the website that J.A.S.O.N.S. sells synthetic ingredients in products dubbed as all-natural I am finally taking the plunge and will not be buying their toothpaste when next I run out.

Instead, I purchased a small bottle of peppermint Dr. Bronner's. I will try that, maybe add some baking soda (since I can't tolerate baking soda taste alone). Much to my mother's dismay, I have been using toothpaste without fluoride for quite a while. I also plan on putting regular Dr. Bronner's in a pump to use as hand soap (although they do sell hand and body soap pumps). Trying to simplify even though their many products were tempting, what I like is the all-in-one soap ideal.

I also bought...because I wanted to!...lip balm, body balm (says it's good on new and old tattoos!), and leave-in hair conditioner (I have been looking for a good product as my hair gets longer). All in yummy flavors, all-natural, certified organic and fair trade. I'm running out of shave cream from Kiss My Face, which was also on the synthetic ingredient list, so I plan on using Dr. Bronner's for that too. I lean toward lavender, because I like the scent and it can be beneficial to the skin, but there are numerous flavors I can try. What wonderful soap!

Apparently you can use Dr. Bronner's for laundry too. I may try it and compare the results to my soap nuts, which I love for their simplicity and convenience.

Declutter your Mail

2008-03-14T14:24:00.002-04:00

I love getting good mail. But bad mail seems to make up most of my recycling. I ordered from a particular company in January, and have since gotten half a dozen catalogs. They send me the same ones over and over, plus the one they send with the package (and since they had to send multiple packages due to their inefficiency...you get the picture).

There is a website called Catalog Choice that you can sign on to and search catalogs to opt-out of receiving. They are sponsored by a variety of ecologically minded agencies and non-profits to help reduce unwanted waste. And let's be honest - the internet has replaced any need for a glossy catalog that you will eventually just throw away. I opted out of everything I can remember getting, and whenever something new comes in the mail, I will opt out of that as well.

The New American Dream has even more resources to help you free yourself from junk mail. There is a professional service you can pay to remove you, or with a little work of your own you can help yourself. We are constantly giving our information away, and it gets sold on mailing lists to anyone who wants it. By registering and opting-out with companies like Direct Marketing Association (with a $1 processing fee), your name will be removed from many of those lists. They tried to convince me that receiving unsolicited marketing and catalogs was good for the environment because ordering through the mail saves gas. No, they weren't kidding. Yes, ordering direct can save you a trip to the mall, but these mailing are processed and mailed (yes...must travel in motor vehicles) AND they often aren't printed on recycled materials.

An aside. But I was a little shocked. Choose the last option, getting off all their lists.

I printed out the page and wrote a $1 check that I will send ASAP. Hopefully this will reduce the crap I get. I'll keep you posted.

Update on Projects

2008-03-04T21:11:00.002-04:00

On food. This is a weekly struggle. Enough said.

On worms. I have the bin "made" and I haven't ordered worms yet. Yes, I've determined I will have to order them through the mail. Having at various times ordered frozen mice and ants through the mail, this could be stressful. At least with frozen mice, they are already dead. Living things could die if you aren't there to receive the package.

The pantry has maybe taught me some lessons to further my simplicity aim. I intended on buying lumber and blocks from a large, corporate home improvement store. Let's just say customer service was lacking and the size of the place made me run away empty-handed. Then I asked myself "why do I need to buy something [new] to solve a problem?" There are plenty of free stuff sights and thrift stores. The coming spring promises yard sales. Why am I rushing into purchasing freshly produced resources when so many exist and would otherwise be wasted? Really, if I could just bring myself to rummage through someone's trash I am sure I would find the perfect thing. Until then, all I can do is keep my eyes open and work on other projects.

Seeds have been planted and I hope to visit a local nursery sometime in the near future. So far nothing has sprouted except a new installment of cat grass planted to prevent munching on my new flowers. Go figure.

**An item for thought. I've previously mused on supporting an evil private institution - health insurance - when the ultimate goal should be universal, single-payer health care. I've read a book I think people should look into ("The Conscience of a Liberal" by Paul Krugman). He defines liberals as those who support policies that seek to equalize the social and economic structure and progressives as those who believe in those policies and actively seek to make them happen.

I have to say I may have been one of those self-defined progressives who distanced herself from the term liberal, but after reading this book my eyes were opened to some historical and political truths. There is some wonderful discussion about health care that supports a lot of the other research I've been doing on the topic. Ultimately reading this, then researching what the bigwigs of my own health insurance company make, on top of believing in no uncertain terms that profiting off of limiting health care to your customers is morally repugnant, has helped my decision along. Health care professionals should make a good living in the health care field, but middle-men and administrators pushing paper should not make a killing when so many people are not treated adequately and are denied when it suits them. Shut them down! Obama may not have a true single-payer plan but I think if given the appropriate support from the public (who overwhelmingly support universal health care) he may be able to pass a plan that helps us all.

Long rant: I may after all stop paying into a system I feel is wrong. Maybe I am putting myself at risk, but I cannot in good faith continue to pay any amount to Mr. CEO and his wealthy stock-holders who benefit from skewing the price structure, fighting against doctor advice, and denying basic care to people in need. Come open enrollment, I will be cancelling my plan and joining the masses without health insurance until a better option comes along.

On that note of things a rational person should not do: Do I really need a car? Zip car is very accessible in my area, as is public transportation. Why am I paying $800 a year in insurance, continuing to pay off the remaining balance of my car, and paying high gas prices for a few convenience trips?

Help! I don't go anywhere!

2008-02-26T21:13:00.003-04:00

So I have some fun experiments on the back burner, mostly because I procrastinate and never go anywhere. My weekends are usually spent admiring pajamas and coffee/tea. It is still chilly out, and I hibernate, but I am feeling ashamed of some of my weak little efforts at completing projects.

I cleaned a bunch of stuff out of my apartment. A bunch ended up in my storage space awaiting interested parties on Craigslist (or when I get tired of being patient, Freecycle). A bag of clothes (that may soon have a friend) sits in the back seat of my rarely used car waiting to be dropped off at one of those bins or the monthly collection in Gbelt. I have a box of books that went from the back seat of my car to my living room when I discovered this cool site. I had visions of loading pictures of me releasing books into the wild in cool places. My first release was a mistake - I selected the wrong book, so now people think Walden is wandering around in the police station - and actually was handed to a friend, not released at all. I've looked up books to hunt, but didn't want to travel to find them.

I've been meaning to visit the national park down the street from my house, and now I'm all excited about the National Arboritum minutes away. Have I moved my butt muscles to go? Nope. The pantry project in the previous post has been MONTHS in the making, and is pushed along by my desire to go to a bulk natural food store, which I haven't done yet. Not even to scope the place out.

If I haven't made myself sound bad yet....well, my lack of motivation certainly makes me look like a hermit. Or lazy. Or something. It's so hard to get myself to do anything too involved on weeknights, since I'm tired from a day at work. Most things are closed or almost closed by the time my bus gets me home. And I'm cold, tired, and hungry. After that I'm comfortable. And it's dark out too. Did I mention cold? On weekends I try to get up early and be incredibly productive to make up for the week (where I often ignore chores entirely). However, as I'm sure I've noted, I often end up (even when waking up early) still in pajamas around noon. Enjoying shamelessly my lazy day.

It's not that I do nothing at all. I just feel that I'm surrounded by to-dos and opportunities and all my time is spent for someone else or relaxing to recover from all that hustling for the man. There are so many things I'd like to do or get into, there is just not enough time (and if I have to drive to get there, not enough personal motivation).

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: Project Planning

2008-02-23T12:11:00.003-04:00

Up until now most of my attempts at living more sustainably have been the last two R's. I joined Freecycle, though honestly I haven't given away anything on the site and only taken one thing (a laundry rack I use to dry my clothes). I look at the offers daily, but I guess in that respect I have been reducing what I bring into my home. Recycling is an ongoing struggle. I still feel like I throw too much stuff away.

Really, reducing consumption is the most important of the R's. I suppose I have done a lot to curb unneccesary buys. But I struggle remembering to base purchases on packaging - refusing to buy products with excessive or unneccessary packaging. I've stopped buying processed food, for the most part. I've tried making more of my own food from scratch.

When I do purchase something, I try to buy organic, local, or used.

But it's time to take those efforts to the next level. I want to reduce the amount of garbage I produce. Organic materials ideally should not be thrown into landfills, as they create methane and other greenhouse gases as they break down. Organic matter should go into the compost pile. But for an apartment dweller, that's not really an option for me. For about a year now I've contemplated other ways of reducing the organic garbage I throw away. The two part goal for this project:

1) Reduce waste of food by only making what I can eat before it goes bad.

2) Create a vermicomposting bin for organic matter I typically throw away (coffee grounds, egg shells, used tea, veggie and fruit trimmings, etc); and vermicomposting is a fancy word for breaking down organic matter with worms.

This weekend my goal is to create a bin: I already have a plastic bin and a spot. I need to get garden mesh and concoct a drainage system. I also need to find out where I can get some wormys. I'm starting small, since I don't think I produce that much waste, but I may need to upgrade when I start getting my CSA share and have much more produce to contend with.

The other part of the goal is really just my own planning. I usually do well, but my practice of cooking enough to last a week for leftovers backfires when I get sick of eating the same thing. I think the goal is to cook smaller portions of more dishes that use similar ingredients.

Project #2 involves some organization of my pantry closet. I've had a hard time finding shelving that is pre-made and fits the space or that I can put together myself that doesn't require any attachment to walls. The closet is 1930's metal kitchen madness - so anything I use must be free standing. A more accessible shelving unit will allow greater organization and push me on the path to using more bulk ingredients. At the moment, I can't fit anything else in there and the shelves I have sit sideways, so that I can't really see or get to most of what is thrown willy-nilly on them.

My biggest obstacle to both of these projects is finding someplace to go get/buy what I need. I don't like going places that require me to drive very far. And since I am avoiding big corparate stores, I may be forced to either break that trend or search long and hard for a small, locally owned store (or more likely multiple stores) that carry what I need. I would love not to have to buy anything for these projects, but some stuff I just don't have.

Project #3 will complement the worm bin (once they start producing worm tea (liquid run-off) and castings (poop)). I want more plants in my apartment. It will make me much healthier and happier. I had some herbs that unfortunately fell prey to white flies (which I essentially waved a white flag to) and died. My cats are really interested in chewing on anything green...so I have tended to just give up and stop trying. I will need to have somewhere for the fruits of my worm bin to go, and maybe that extra push will keep my plants alive. I will, as a pet owner, need to make sure nothing I grow is toxic to cats. Because the will eat anything they see. Anything.

Update: This weekend was mildly successful. I found some mesh at the locally owned hardware store (along with some waterproof, highly toxic adhesive...can't win them all) and punched holes in a plastic bin I already had. I did this by flame heating a nail (being held by pliers) and pushing it into the plastic along the top side and bottom of the bin (for ventilation and drainage purposes). I then glued the mesh around the areas with holes and allowed to dry. I will put some pebbles along the bottom for drainage and newspaper for bedding. This week I will search for worm suppliers and hopefully have it all set up and ready to go next weekend.

The pantry was less successful and I now have everything sitting on my table. But next weekend or some night this week I will go find some wood (cut to specifications) and blocks for some minimalist shelving. I don't know if I will go find bulk containers this weekend or not. I have to be realistic about my motivations on my only days off...

I did get some seeds at the hardware store and when I go to the (yes, big hardware) store for wood I will hopefully find some fully grown plants to add to my home. I should have the seeds going by next weekend.

Financial Plan for the Upcoming Year

2008-02-20T22:26:00.006-04:00

Of course my timing is all screwed up, but in the past few weeks I've laid down my plans to continue to improve my finances. Most important are managing my health care costs/plans and paying down my debt. Since the Maryland fiscal year begins in July, I'm actually getting a jump start!

Health Care:

In the past two years as a full-timer with benefits, I've learned a few things. In addition to being more angry with the health care system as it is and the corruption and inefficiency (that is if HEALTH is your primary concern) of private health insurance companies, I've come to find my current allotment to be serving me very poorly. I was going to just cancel certain benefits and apply that money to a personal savings account, but lo and behold! I have discovered to potential benefit of a flexible health care spending account.

I don't want to jump in too fast, because this system is use-it-or-lost-it. If I overestimate costs (and I can apply this account to SO many expenses), then I will lose money. But because this account is a pre-tax deduction, I still spend the same money, but will essentially have less taxable income. So for maintenance prescriptions (I am dropping my prescription plan for several reasons), contacts and eye exams, doctor co-pays and other health expenses, I can divert cash I would be spending anyway and save more in the end. I'm no accountant, but it looks pretty good. They may even allow payment to a naturopathic physician. Yay!

So I'm set on the FSA, but I'm still deciding on the overall question of whether I should continue to support private insurance. In the event of a catastrophic medical emergency (physical trauma, maybe some internal condition), I would need help, because medical care costs have skyrocketed. I would hate to be put in the position to lose everything (ha ha, I laugh as I proofread...really I have nothing). But I put out so much money, then pay co-pay, when I am in good health and rarely visit the doctor. A few sick visits and a yearly physical is the extent to my medical needs (planned at least). I pay the equivalent of roughly 7 office visits (not counting my out of pocket co-pay), or a few less with any lab work, when I account for my plan costs. Reality shows me visiting the doctor much less. I seem to be paying more than I take out.

But it's that fear that keeps us in place, right? All about the bottom line. Were I to cancel insurance, I could divert some of that into an FSA and get the rest back (hopefully to put in savings). I have a couple months to figure this out before I can change my benefits. Then I have to live with that decision for a year before I could change it back. Seems like a pretty big decision for my finances, health, and value system.

Debt:

Here's another big decision. I have carried a chunk of debt (excluding any mention of student loans, I'll be paying those back forever...) for a few years now. I've mentally moved past why I have some of that debt and I address those issues regularly. But I want it gone. Tonight I prepared my tax returns, and I expect to get a nice chunk of change back - straight to the debt it goes. (On the unlikely chance I get any "rebate" check from the Bush regime that too will go to stimulate economies past...lol). My goal is to begin paying a huge amount (roughly six times the minimum) each month - which will have me paying it off in about a year.

That's the catch. It will take not only tremendous discipline to make those payments regularly, but also to cut down on unneccessary spending. Eating out is my biggest weakness. I bring lunch to work most days, but the occasional happy hour or Friday night treat can add up quick.

For the most part I've done very well curbing spending on items like personal care products, housecleaning products, and food (going natural and rejecting processed food is really nice on the budget! Even when you go with organic and local; cooking for yourselve is very economical.). This summer I will have a CSA share, forcing me to enjoy a variety of fresh produce. If I buy items like rice, grains, beans, and pasta in bulk I can save there too.

Unfortunately, all this discipline may come at a price (or need to be adjusted to keep me happy). I realized my financial position was causing me stress due to my strong desire to be debt free when I was invited to a music festival. The cost was just too much, and even if I saved for weeks, I have so little wiggle room in my budget because I am paying on debt that I couldn't manage it. And there are other things I want (hello, I've had my next tattoo planned for 4 years!). Or big expenses that crop up and find me short on savings (or quickly MAKE my savings account drain to nothingness). Being debt free will open up a lot of possibilites for me. Hopefully I will still be able to make a few wine festivals and music events this summer!

I've done quite well saving, opened a retirement account, and have stuck to a budget. Now I just need to eliminate the debt that drags me down. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

Ignorance is a Slow Death

2008-02-17T13:19:00.003-04:00

A little over a decade ago, I was praising the fashion fun of a Polyvinyl coat I found at goodwill. Lilac with what seemed like a reptile pattern...I was all about that coat.

Recently I was gifted with a purse that didn't look quite like leather...and the tag I found after a brief search read "PVC." Polyvinyl Chloride. A chemical/plastic product I'm learning is very unpleasant. I think as Americans we take for granted that producers and government leaders are looking out for our best interests (like not being slowly poisoned by consumer goods).

But I guess if you think big corporations feel any sense of responsibility to consumers or communities...well ignorance is NOT bliss. No one is really looking out for us - even other industrialized nations in Europe are banning PVC in some products (read: baby toys...).

At all levels, PVC is a danger to the environment and our health. After reading about the dangers of PVC would you let your child or pet play with toys made of this poison? Not only does PVC us toxins in production, but when it breaks down it creates more toxins. And it is not recyclable. Plastics bearing the #3 or V should be avoided - but who among us looks at packaging? It's hard enough to make responsible consumer decisions, especially with food, but it is necessary to look at EVERYTHING you buy, and packaging is important too. PVC dropped in the recycling bin can destroy whole batches of recyclable plastics.

Some people are trying to educate and change practices of consumers and producers though. The Grassroots Recycling Network has some great info and resources if you are interested in learning more about this and the Center for Health and Environment Justice is campaigning with manufacturers to abandon PVC. Even if you don't have time in your life to write letters and act politically, we all have the responsibility to inform ourselves. What you buy can either show support for environmentally sustainable products or the mindless pursuit of stats-quo consumer goods that will slow poison your family and your planet.

Every consumer can refuse to buy a product packaged or made with polyvinyl and take care in not contaminating recycling ventures by tossing #3's in the bin. If you have pets and/or children, check their toys for PVC. Toxins can leach out slowly from theses products, toxins that cause cancer and other serious health concerns. We don't need to be scientists, but ignoring warnings from scientists and consumer protection watchdogs is irresponsible - the our home, our loved ones, and those who will inherit this planet from us.

I'm still a bit lost on what to do with what I already own that contains PVC. Throwing it away will just put those toxins into landfills that leach toxins into the air, soil, and water. But while we can't make our poor choices or ignorance disappear, future purchase decisions can be informed!

This Video is Hilarious

2008-02-17T12:23:00.003-04:00

Also, visit the site where I found it. And then visit Greenpeace!

How to Get a Very Late Start on a Lazy Weekend

2008-02-16T12:56:00.002-04:00

One thing that a college education has taught me is how to work the system in ways that allow me to do very little in large chunks of time (most of which seem to fly by). Except for a few labs (particularly a lab for newswriting, which started at 8 am and marks the time and place I was when I heard about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, several hours after they occured since I was in the Mountain time zone) that were scheduled at ungodly early hours, I managed to schedule most of my college education starting no earlier than 11 am. Grad school was even easier, as the professors did their "real work" during the day and all classes were in the afternoon, ending sometimes at 8 or 10 pm. As a teaching assistant for statistics, I unfortunately had to hold office hours and attend the morning lecture...

My 9 to 5 full-time job has put a kink in my hobby of delaying meaningful activity and sitting around in jammies until the afternoon, but the weekends lately seem to entail quite a bit of that. Last weekend was a record, given my night out on Friday to celebrate my birthday and the actual event on Sunday, I barely moved most of the weekend. I used to feel quite guilty about this. Now I quite enjoy whiling away the morning with a cup of coffee and my smelly self. Usually I read a book, but until this internet things becomes old hat, I seem to be wasting most of my time doing all sorts of reading and searching. This particular morning I am enjoying my coffee and brownie breakfast while listening to traditional celtic music online.

My morning started off especially late (I am trying to maintain my circadium rhythm by at least dragging myself out of bed early) because of an ongoing war with my cat over when she thinks breakfast should be served and her increasingly annoying methods for relaying this piece of information. Cordelia wastes no time in jumping on me; running across my tired body at high rates of speed; batting at me with her paws; or simply rubbing against my outstretched had with her moist face (her tongue sometimes hangs out...) until I roll over. For two hours I stubbornly reject her efforts until "weekend alarm" goes off. Then I inform her that since the past two hours was so unpleasant, I am not yet ready to get up and maybe she should leave me alone.

Today, I didn't emerge until two additional hours after the alarm (which she knows means get up, so she begins to up her insistence). To make my point that my only purpose in live is NOT to open her a can of food - I did the dishes first. Slowly.

But now, two hours later, she seems very calm and is leaving me alone completely. I have begun to call them both the Ungratefuls. Nimue at least lets me get to feeding them at my own pace, but only makes an appearance during these pre-meal moments. Or when she wants some attention.

So! While I feel I have not accomplished anything today, with a huge list of t0-dos, being this lazy is quite an accomplishment. Not showering until the afternoon, when some people have been hard at work for several hours, now that is a job well done.

Two Kinds of People

2008-02-12T21:08:00.000-04:00

Today was "one of those days" - despite leaving work early trying to beat the weather and traffic to get home and do some chores, it took me three hours. What usually holds me up is the shuttle schedule for the bus I take. I arrived at the bus stop about 10 minutes early, but knowing about a few accidents on the nasty icy roads, I figured I'd be waiting.

Two hours later, after my phone had died and every driver I asked said "oh it's coming, traffic" - the bus finally arrived. I have not checked my toes, but I was very worried about frost bite. Even though I had heavy combat boots on, my feet got cold after the first hour. The sidewalks were death waiting to happen as soon as I stepped off the bus, too.

So back to the title. There are people, when faced with massive discomfort and inconvenience, who pull into themselves and focus on their pain. They are rude, they complain loudly, they generally move to inconvenience others if they think someone might get a leg up. These are the people who in traffic jams begin to drive aggressively, fearing that two second delay is beneath them - nearly risking others' lives just to avoid letting anyone in.

Then there are people who go outside of themselves. They realize that many of life's troubles are unavoidable and no ones fault. They reach out a hand to help someone they see slipping down the sidewalk (Thank you!). They make small talk and smile, even though their toes are about to fall off. They try to make a bad situation better by not dwelling on their own discomfort. These are people who will give you their last dollar and wish you a good day.

Every day I encounter both kinds. I have seen grown adults talk to total strangers who are just doing their job like they are owed some kind of special priviledge. I have seen them huff and puff and cry and whine like two year olds who aren't getting their way. I have seen behavior that makes me question the endurance of our society, when so many are incapable of day to day life skills.

Unpleasant things happen to everyone. When you slip to a level of behavior you would punish a child for, behaving in public as if the world owes you (or the world is against you), you have lowered the bar considerably for our "civilized" society. And yet, rising above moments of frustration can be the most endearing characteristic. I see people persevere through moments that would test us all. I see people reach out to help complete strangers. This gives me hope.

Maybe I've mentioned this before, but the community I've lived in now for about 7 months has inspired me in so many ways, simply because the people will look you in the eyes and say hello. I think if I needed it, they would reach out a hand.

As my toes thaw, nice people of the world, I salute you.

Baby Steps to a Greener Life

2008-02-10T15:09:00.001-04:00

I only continue to use the term "Green" so people will understand and not think me too pretentious for constantly saying "sustainability."

Today I took a step I've been meaning to take for months. I recommend everyone look into where regulations are in their home state. For Maryland, utilities were deregulated some time ago; meaning I have to have electricity distributed by the company that services my residential area, but I can choose who produces and supplies the electricity I buy.

I knew the general 'what' but was not sure 'how' to do this. My distributor was not too helpful, but I finally found a link to my state regulating agency, the Maryland State Energy Administration. There they too tried to emphasize cost, which is important but takes a second place compared to my primary objective of buying clean energy. They recommended comparing the price of Standard Offer Service, which is the default for customers who don't choose a servicer. My distributor is Pepco, and it looks like the average is around $0.10 per Kilowatt hour. The MSEA was able to provide a list of suppliers, which I checked to make sure the company I'd already stumbled upon (a branch of Pepco, Pepco Energy Services) that provided a couple sustainable (sorry, green) services, including a combination of several services and 100% wind energy. I actually didn't even look into the other one, but went straight for wind, which will cost me an insignificant ammount more than I'm paying now at about $0.14 per kWh.

I was very nervous, as I tend to be when doing something new for the first time. What was I getting myself into? Would it be painless or would it be a hassel? My desire to live more in line with sustaining our vastly-depleted resources made the decision for me and I went through a painless online sign up for services at the PES website. It seems all I do (given this change is approved) is sign up and they will contact the distributor within 17 days and it will go into effect. I do have a service term of 12 months and if I cancel service pay a $50 fee; but afterward it is month to month. And since these two companies are essentially owned by the same company, I think the charges will remain on one bill.

I'm not worried about an increase in cost, as I manage to keep my cost down anyway. I have almost switched entirely to compact flourescent lightbulbs and try to use natural light when possible. Few electronic items are left plugged in (I foresee an increase now that I have internet and use my computer more often; however, I turn the powerstrip off when I'm not using it, just like I unplug my cell phone charger) to cause a constant drain of power, other than my microwave and fridge. I've been averaging about $15-20 per month (yes, I do brag about this to family). A few bucks more won't kill me, and I can rest easy that the electricity I am using is not coming from burning coal or nuclear power plants. Do you know where your's comes from?

I also purchased a reusable battery charger and reusable batteries for the few battery powered things I own. While I am waiting on my back-ordered AA's, I am also proud of that purchase and when I drop off my last throw-aways at the recycling center I will know I won't have to do that for quite a while.

To be honest, simplifying my life reduced the electronics I own to technology I really benefit from. My cell phone and laptop. My iPod. Still have a microwave, but it is also a toaster oven. Hand blender. Coffee grinder. And the new iPod stereo/radio that I have yet to use as I am waiting on my backordered batteries. Oh, digital camera. Still seems like a lot to me, but most of these things I use often and take good care of so they will last. I need to purchase a new battery for my cell phone, but I've decided to keep it instead of tossing it and signing up for another 2 year contract.

Want to find out if you can choose green energy for YOUR home? I bumped into this little article and was taken to the US Dept of Energy. The information is out there, all you have to do is care enough to find it.

**I love this Co-Op America website, because of the National Green Pages guide where you can search for green companies and products.

They Say It's Your Birthday!

2008-02-10T12:38:00.000-04:00

It is!

And what have I done so far? Made some coffee. Fed the ungratefuls. Read some news. Pondered the course of my life these past 27 years.

A decade ago I had short, spiky, platinum blond hair and was in a rock band.

Today I'm sitting in my messy but much-loved apartment, enjoying the last day of my weekend after a week that involved being sick, then celebrating my newly aquired age (though not all that hard) and recovering the whole next day.

I could look at the change I've accomplished in my life in the past year and be impressed, but really, where I've come from in the past 10 - what I've accomplished and learned and the ideals that have changed and formed - that's pretty impressive too.

Sometimes I think of family and friends who have marraiges and children, mortgages and serious careers and I wonder if I'm behind. If I'm on the wrong path. But if any mantra has helped me shake that doubt, it is from Daniel Quinn - whose books have been changing my life for the past year - that there is no one right way to live. The societal pressures that have careened me through the last decade have suddenly come to a gurgling stop in my mind. Yes, I still have to pay astronomically high rent and insurance. And thus have to do something to make that money, therefore the prison that is work still rules my 9 to 5. But after six years of higher education that I will be paying for for the next three decades sometimes seems like a waste of my time.

In those six years, I did not learn to be a better person; or even an adult. I was spoon fed (for the most part) a culture that now seems to be destroying our planet and eroding our societal values. I have never found meaning, or at least more than snatches of moments that gave me a glimmer of truth, within the institution of higher education. In fact, I think being isolated and concentrating on that slowed my maturity to a crawl, and when finally finished at the age of 24, I was in worse shape than I would have been if I had started out at 18 with a suitcase and a dream.

Do I think higher education is of vital importance to today's youth? No - in fact it has been so dumbed-down and mainstreamed as to make it digestable to everyone. I firmly believe college is NOT for everyone. As a result, it's become an industry that often cares more about profit than about awakening the minds of our society. It's about "getting a better job to make more money" so that the youth can continue to plod along the same course and maintain the status quo.

Do I regret (this excludes all the stupid money decisions I made during these six years) going to college though? How can I? It happened; I experienced a lot of moments that have made me who I am. It got me to the place where I am only now beginning to think for myself and learn to live for myself with the values I hold so dear. There's no point in dwelling in the past.

Now the financial errors I made along the way? Wow I regret those. I could pout and blame the teachers who spent so much time on subjects that have no bearing on any life in this society instead of preparing students to actually be indepedent adults. Really, how could they teach anything but what society stands for? I don't think I had one teacher or mentor who led me to question the American way of life. The overconsumption and refusal to question our capitalist economy that now depends so much on cheap, plastic goods from foreign markets.

How could I question the cult of stuff when no one else really was?

And that is where my regrets lie. If I were to try to figure out where all the student loans I'm still paying for and cash from part-time, sometimes nearly full-time, jobs went - I would probably pull all my hair out wondering what I had to show for it. My recent need to purge excess in my life, the material things that take up so much space, often causes me to pause and wonder if I am still paying for something that I have since gotten rid of. How long will I pay on those endless shopping sprees. My money complaints are ironic, since I look around today and wonder why I have so much crap. Crap that I still find hard to part with.

Some of the ideals I'm fighting for these days never even occured to me through the previous decade. Though I often searched for natural solutions to problems (i.e. which herbs are better for skin care, is natural food better than cheap food - yes, that was way before "organic") - I never approached these as serious issues. And certainly not as a lifestyle. I've struggled with food - choosing it, the cost, preparing it, avoiding waste - for as long as I can remember; but living in Wyoming the plight of the family farmer was way out of my purview. In some geographies, the Three R's are very difficult to accomplish. Or maybe the first two are just forgotten and the frustration with feeling like environmental concern is pointless and ineffectual lead an otherwise concientious person to ignore such issues.

Today the light ebbs and flows as massive clouds race across the sky. I might have gotten up for an earlier start if I hadn't been having a fight with my cat, who just doesn't seem to understand how rude it is to wake someone up on any day by jumping on them, let alone on their birthday. Maybe my greatest accomplishment this past decade, though it certainly came slow and within the past year or two, is my ability to slow down and enjoy such a view. To find a natural pace and realize that much of what we do is slowly killing us. Few industrialized nations work as long as we do at the pace we choose to describe as ambitious and success-oriented.

At the end of that six years, where it occured to me often I missed the point in finding a course of study that would land me a trophy job, I looked around and felt no more "there" than I ever have. In fact the things I sacrificed so that I could focus on higher education seem a tragic loss that I am still struggling to get back. And the things I never learned from any of those overpriced, ever-changing text books continue to haunt me as my eyes open, then open again. The ways of living I simply took for granted, now shock and upset me.

Our food culture, indeed our food itself and the land devoted to growing that food, is crumbling as aisle upon aisle of processed food in neat little boxes replace whole foods. Our health wisdom falters as fad diets replace common sense and every discomfort or perceived inconvenience is treatable by popping some pill. Health care is reactionary and sterile (for those who have access to for-profit insurance mongers or can afford the disgusting price of life-saving technology). Family life is stuffed full of TV and shiny things that distract us from the fact that we work so much we barely see our loved ones. Culture is canned as real artists struggle to survive and teeny-bopper princesses get handed album deals and fashion lines. Community is a long-forgotten concept as commuting removes us from familiarity that would otherwise control our ego-driven behavior and we would just as soon NOT make eye contact or help out our neighbors.

We complain about taxes, spending, and government, then say it doesn't matter and look the other way as we spend more than any nation on military and yet refuse to supply our citizens with basic rights. To keep up morale we get sound bytes about how we have the best of everything and everyone else is jealous. And anyone who says otherwise hates democracy, patriotism, and supports terror. I for one love our country, but instead of blind ignorance, really want to make it a wonderful place to live. And not just for the wealthy and priviledged. Is your favorite television show really more worthwhile and important than the future of your country? Your children's futures? Action seems to be a word forgotten and buried under a pile of consumer goods.

How can anyone who opens their eyes not despair?!

Every day I recognize these feelings in others who are in small and big ways trying to live their convictions - and THAT is what gives me hope to continue every day. Seeing my friends and family as they embrace the simple pleasures in life and try to make sense of what is good and what is being fed to us so some fat cat can make a profit, this gives me pause to think that perhaps we can push past this ugly phase. Realizing that ambition for real value exists in full force in my generation - this provides clarity in an opaque world of advertisments and political nonsense.

In every way I have improved over the past ten years, in ways my teenaged mind could not wrap itself around. I have been humbled and lifted up, educated and held back, I have loved, lost and overcome many of my faults. Though I still am far from "there."

Oh, and thanks, Mom! (For having me.)

The Simple Pleasures of Eating Well: Following Food Movements That Put Joy Back on the Table

2008-02-07T21:45:00.000-04:00

In an effort to fight back against the “Fast Food Culture” that has taken over many industrialized nations, a number of social movements have emerged. On the heels of an almost mainstream push for organic food are Slow Food and Local Food movements. These shifts in thinking (and eating) could change habits and make consumers happier and healthier.

Consumers are constantly battered with changing nutritional advisements and diet fads. So many of us try to “eat healthy” based on conflicting information and flashy advertising that it is easy to loose sight of the joy that food can bring to life. In fact, joy often takes a back seat to confusion and guilt as we try to decide which fats to avoid this week and what vitamins should be consumed.
This confusion and frustration has been brought to fruit in the books of Michael Pollan, whose most recent title In Defense of Food highlights American’s obsession with nutrition and how such behavior is destroying food as we know it.

Pollan’s views are mirrored in many rising social movements that revolve around reclaiming our food system, and indeed our practice of adulterating our most precious resource. A focus on eating local has been forwarded by the Eat Local Challenge and the 100 Mile Diet. Supporting local sustainable agriculture ensures you know where you food comes from with the added benefit of reducing the energy it takes to get it to your table. Shopping at farmer’s markets or joining a local CSA guarantees the fruits and vegetables you get are fresh - meaning your food is more delicious and healthy than produce that travels hundreds of miles in refrigerated trucks.

More focused on the social and cultural benefits of eating well, the Slow Food Movement originated in Italy as a backlash against fast food encroaching on the traditionally slow-paced European lifestyle. Slow Food has taken off and is catching hold all over the globe where people value “good, clean, fair” food. The joy of preparing and cooking a meal with fresh, whole foods is making a come-back. Tired of food products packaged in cardboard boxes bearing claims of healthfulness, many foodies are making a statement by preparing a meal from scratch and enjoying every bit of it with friends and a glass of good wine.

For those of us fortunate enough to have access to Farmer's Markets and CSA's - please support such local enterprises that improve communities. If not, you at least have the power to choose what NOT to buy. Look at the ingredients and as Pollan says, if there are more than a handful of ingredients, if it makes health claims, or if you don't know/can't pronounce something - ask yourself if you want it in your body or your kids' bodies. Whole foods that you prepare yourself are always better than synthetic "faux" foods that may be more food product than actual food.

If it's cheaper now, it's because you are paying some other way. Either by the environmental, cultural or health damage that box of whatever-it-is is doing to you and yours. Think about it.

The Big Picture

2008-02-07T21:37:00.000-04:00

I just watched a short film that emphasizes some important concepts I think EVERYONE should be aware of when they pop off to Walmart for some cheap crap.

This is only the tip, but maybe if you haven't thought about it before today it will spark a tiny fire.

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad & Victoria's Secret? Incompetence.

2008-02-07T20:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, maybe incompetence is a big word. But let me paint a picture.

I regular girl gets a gift certificate for a certain holiday. She, unwittingly, chooses a PMS day to tramp to the mall with family to find something pretty to buy. Above all, she needs a new bra or two, because the ones that currently make up her wardrobe are falling to pieces and stretched beyond their supporting roles.

Despite being warned about the life-sized models scandalizing the windows and corridors of this particular VS, she ventures forth. On a mission to find SOMETHING, that is pretty and makes her chest look fabulous. Yes, it matters.

Maybe it was the wrong time of the month for that particular shopping excursion. Perhaps December was the wrong month altogether (having put on a few winter pounds). Whatever the case, walking through that store brought nothing but pain and humiliation. The few things she found not too harlequin (and that's a nice word...the truth showed none of the vintage flair and all of the brothelry) certainly weren't made for women who actually HAVE breasts. Right?! She tried something on. And felt worse. Eventually, after circling the store like a plane trying to land on a foggy day, she left with nothing but anger and frustration that a lingerie store that should empower women makes them feel like they showed up on the wrong planet.

Needless to say, I had (yes...third person aside) to get something for this gift card. I redeemed online. The bra I got isn't that comfortable. But one pair, ONE pair, of underwear was wonderful. So much so, that despite the order being split due to an error and arriving in two shipments instead of one (and error I excused. It happens.), I ordered three more of these unders because the sale was fabulous and I have had the same underwear for ages. Ooops! Another mistake by VS - and I'm told two are coming and one will shortly find its way home. Got the one...and over a month later, and two emails from me saying 'um, what's up? Did you forget me?' and I finally speak to a person who has to PLACE THE ORDER AGAIN. Will I ever get my underwear?! Tune in next time.

On another disapointing note, my list for the weekend was far from completed. And I did watch some of the superbowl. But in my defense, a virus was a brewin' in my head and after several days of suffering, I'm hoping to be better in time for a night out to celebrate my birthday (without having to blow my nose every 5 minutes).

Put the Glam back in the Lady

2008-02-01T23:09:00.000-04:00

O asked me today what has triggered, or gotten into me, or whatever, regarding my new fascination with fashion, dressing up, and being a lady.

Some may say it was the bangs, hearily influenced by my sister and watching various large-forheaded women pull it off so well (remember Practical Magic...). But I think the bangs are a product, not a cause.

Whatever the case, I am on the trail of some silk stockings and a nice vintage dress. I have the urge to dress up and go listen to indie/alternative rock, sipping on my white wine and getting stares all night long. I've gotten away from wearing heals...but I think I would need heels to pull that off. I don't do red lipstick very well. But imagine if you will, a 50's era black and white polka-dot dress and some heeled mary-janes...

What is happening to me!

On the other end of the spectrum, I started wearing my Gall's (yes, that's the catalog cops order their gear out of) boots while hiking in the winter cold to my bus stop. I've always liked the dichotemy of wearing big old boots and a dress. Like pink and black. Just seems to click.

So you may be wondering what I'm doing for my birthday. Instead of actually figuring this out, I spent this evening looking at other people's blogs. Allie! I didn't know you got the house! I had to go back in time to October to figure out why you kept talking about upstairs!

I hope having internet again focuses and informs me instead of pulling me off track. It has consumed my time this week. Although I did hold a bunch of books on the library website, I also spent a lot of time on nothing. But then again, I find learning to be one of my favorite pasttimes and worthless information is just as good.

Maybe I'm preparing myself to be someone amazing. (!)

My goals for this weekend:

1) Do them taxes. I gathered receipts for all my charitable donations (I think I may have downsized 1/3 of my "stuff" yet still seem to have SO MUCH!) so I'd better itemize those deductions!!!! Yes, that needed many exclamation points.

2) Super clean, super fresh. O is dying from allergies, so I must clean. That includes the kitties. I must wash them, and the experimental kitty bath didn't go over too well. Cordelia was freaked. And her woefull cries behind the shut door scared Nimue, even as I'm sure she secretly delighted in her sister's pain. Laundry is on my list....

****Divergence - the soap nuts are working GREAT. Maybe I need to do a whole blog JUST on soap nuts. Soap nuts*****

3) Library. Continue to read. Something that is not online.

4) Set up a new savings account so that I can begin to save for "health care" costs. Yes, come open enrollment, I will be dropping my prescription and dental plan. I still need to think out cancelling health insurance. This fund will be for surprise medical expenses. Any money I save from cancelling plans will go straight into here.

I learned from my boss that you can set up a health savings (pre-tax) account for proceedures like Lasick. Cool beans.

5) Find a new doctor. Not the naturopathic route I'd like to go, I need a doctor closer to home for yearly exams and such. And I new to do more research on alternative health care.

6) Anti-superbowl. Yes, I am going to a superbowl party. But my goal is to have my back to the tv the whole time and just talk to people. I can't even watch the commercials because I am rejecting super consumerism. And nothing reeks of over-consumption more than an ad that someone spent millions of dollars on for a 30 second spot. Likely selling high-fructose corn syrup laden soda or nasty-tasting beer. Imagine for a moment what that money could do to further mass transit or affordable housing or environmental cleanup. Yeah...what are we doing?

7) Learn about politics more. With the fall of Edwards and Kucinich...tear....I need to have a back-up plan. I need to have more outlets for my political frustration.

That's a lot to do....I sometimes overload my own senses. I think I will also try to get some meditation in. I will need calm next week at work.

Wipe a Single Tear Away and Face a New Day

2008-01-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

Okay. Today during another long day of IT training I was informed that my tentative pick for presidential candidate, John Edwards, had withdrawn his bid for candidacy. This was more that a little painful. I have hardly paid attention to the spectacle that is the current democratic race, confident in the knowledge that my candidate was not a glorified TV personality. And now he's gone.

Granted, Independents don't get to vote in any primary, so who knows what would have happened had Mr. Edwards gone. All. The. Way.

But now I have to learn about these two candidates (yes, I also realized Kucinich is also out...when did that happen! Darn you MSNBC and your unfair debating). But, there are more than two, you might say. I glanced at some of the republicans, and very quickly checked them off based on a few important (to me) issues. Maybe I should make this a project. An overview of issues I think are important and who actually agrees with me. I feel a little cynical, because I don't think the remaining candidates have really original or steady, or sturdy for that matter, ideals. They shift as the special interest dollars come in and the cameras turn on.

Yes, cynical is a pretty good conclusion.

There's a Whole World out there You Will Never See

2008-01-28T21:51:00.000-04:00

Hello to the two people I know read my rambling, ranting, writing.

Today I took up the life of a bus-taker all over again. And when I had to go home with unpleasant sickness...yes, I had to wait for the bumpy bus. But honestly, not really a bother at all. Lately I've been entertaining thoughts of urban domesticity again. How cool it would be to REALLY be able to walk or easily access transit every day. To go somewhere and not have to drive. To have it all at my fingertips. Like the Internet I have for the past two hours been using to read about, of all things, subvertising and guerrilla gardening.

Weekend of Madness

2008-01-27T22:05:00.000-04:00

Since I'm here without a pile of books and suddenly and internet connection, I thought I would share what I did this weekend.

Friday I went to the DC Improv. This place is so cool. They have it together; we quickly got our tickets and were ushered to a table (tiny tables, just as I imagined). Food and drink were quickly delivered. You are so close to your neighbor that you get to know them real quick (especially if you get a talker).

The comics were hilarious and the night was great. I'm ignoring the fact that we drove and got lost. And I wore bad shoes for walking and a skirt (did I forget it was winter!?). Really fun; I hope to go again and again.

Then we met up with some folks in Bethesda. I'd been to this bar before. Very interesting crowd. Somehow ended up somewhere else where there was dancing and that was so much fun. I really missed going out dancing and hadn't been for ... a really long time.

I'm planning my birthday night of fun...and realized it is NEXT WEEK. Hopefully I can drum up some interest in going somewhere interesting.

Back on the Wagon

2008-01-26T20:55:00.000-04:00

I finally set up Internet access in my apartment. I'm seriously struggling with setting up a wireless network, though. My DSL modem and wireless router aren't playing nice. So...upset about this and frustrated with my ignorance of technological matters.

As I sit tied to the wall writing this in my home (listening to NPR online, woo-hoo), maybe it's time for an update on my year of changes.

Cats: I'll start here because they are causing so my trouble with their allergy-inducing dander lately.

My shift toward wet food, from a dry only diet, was interesting to say the least. After struggling with them to even see it as food (and sometimes I still have to lure Nimue with treats), they are now disappointed if they aren't fed on time. Feeding times are good, but have made me doubt my place in their hearts. Getting up in the morning and coming home from work are triggers for dinner time, and I sometimes wonder if they are happy to see me, or just hungry.

But now that I have dinner established and wet food the only item on the menu, I've added a small amount of dry food available throughout the day. They don't overeat that, and only snack on it when hungry. Or when, as now, they disapprove of the flavor or quality of the food they are served. I had them taste test many brands and flavors to cancel out what they refuse to eat, and while I have the brand and the flavors they tolerate, small changes in the batch sometimes don't meet their approval. Usually, this only lasts for a meal or two, and then they are hungry enough to push forward.

I've experimented with other foods. I let them sniff at yogurt or eggs, so far no interest. But tuna they love. Tried raw chicken - Cordelia ate up the organs (gizzards, liver?), but Nimmi wouldn't touch it. That is definitely the next step, raw natural foods introduced gradually. I don't think I could maintain an all raw diet, but we'll see.

Switched from the wheat litter to the "World's Best" brand - which I think is corn. More expensive, but between 3 boxes, it lasts and lasts and controls bad odors pretty bad. They seem to like it.

Home-keeping:

Still cleaning with vinegar, baking soda, and other natural products. This is really easy, so much so that I hardly think about it. I don't constantly have to be shopping for something that works, and I feel better about it. I think my health is better because of it too. And this extends to my personal care products. It's just more simple, more natural, and less pressing. I almost don't even think about it - certainly removed any stress I had about cleaning, other than just not wanting to do it.

I started trimming my own hair, as well as doing henna treatments. I do need to go shopping to further my natural make-up supply. I am always adapting to what I need (like with winter I'm much drier, and I just adjust). Really easy. No impulse buys, no drawer full of crap I don't use. Simple.

Reducing clutter (especially after the holidays) is ongoing. I haven't reached the point where I am satisfied with my possessions - but these days it's "I still have too much." I slowly go over things (books, clothes) and then go through them again. I just pulled a box of books to take to the library to donate and clothes that I don't wear, don't fit, or I just don't like all that much. Organizing my pantry is really important, but most everything else is pretty organized.

My kitchen has gotten much more use, especially now that my diet is my big project.

Local food and sustainable farming is very important. This summer I'm trying out Community Supported Agriculture - I've bought a share in the farm, and I'll get fresh produce every week during the growing season. Until then, I try to find food that is 1) whole (most important, rejecting processed food), 2) sustainable and 3) local. In that order. I HIGHLY recommend everyone read Michael Pollan's books The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Foods. Especially the latter made me stop and look at the food the grocery store calls food. It's sad how so many people are trying to eat well and be healthy, but so much of what is in the store isn't even food. Fake food doesn't even have to be identified as imitation thanks to legislation pushed by manufacturers that make money off of being deceptive. If more people looked at ingredients, maybe they would wonder what's up.

So! I've been making my own hummus with my new hand blender. Made some smoothies, but once I start getting fresh fruit from the CSA I'm sure I'll do more of that. I've been cooking more recipes (Joy of Cooking! got it as a gift!). I'm in a way, without really meaning to joining the Slow Food Movement, along with a call for clean, sustainable, local food. Enjoying every bit of food and not eating fast or processed foods makes eating a joy and not a constant stress that many people in this country experience it as. I need to make an effort to actually EAT differently - chew more slowly and enjoy every bite instead of shoveling it in at record pace and going back for more because my body can't tell it's full yet.

Consumption:

I've been doing good, or was until the holidays! Gifting was much smaller scale and very well-considered. But I also got money to spend, and that kind of forced my hand. I could have just put it all on my credit card debt, but I did want to get some new clothes (all purchased from green, sustainable companies), a rechargeable battery system, and the hand blender. But believe me, I thought through EVERY purchase by researching and really asking whether I had room in my life for each new thing. And then I went through my things to see what I could donate to charity. I have a list of things I'm either going to try to sell or advertise in Freecycle in addition to the books and clothes I weeded out.

So - every day is a day to improve. And the point is to live a life that fits me and that I enjoy. Which I'm doing much more of.

Existentialism and Fear

2008-01-17T12:36:00.000-04:00

So I have done a lot of things (and learned a lot of things) in the past year that have moved me toward the life I want. If you ask yourself, 'what's the point of all this?' and find you really aren't happy, and what you do really doesn't matter in the end...well, at least I started to find some footing. When I say what you do doesn't matter in the end, it's a bit more complicated than that.

You make your own meaning, just like you make your own happiness. People (and nations) can spend their whole lives trying to fit with the pack or convince others of certain truths, but each person experiences the world (and thus, the truth) differently. If you spend your life struggling, and telling yourself that this struggle is normal and you will get yours in the end - you may end up with nothing to show that really matters to you.

And then again, what you do is EVERYTHING. But whose meaning are you trying to attach? It may make a difference to someone (who has such ideas in their head) that the things you have define you - your job, your partner, your possessions. And you may have just blindly accepted the script and are trying very hard to "achieve" "success." Get on the right path.

But if it's out of your hands?

I don't mean destiny. I don't believe it is all written down. I mean opportunity - maybe a touch of fate. You are a certain way for a reason. You have certain inclinations. Why deny them? Why try to change your mind to suit others? And your life for that matter? What if you actually listened to yourself and let providence guide your actions and decisions instead of trying to steer yourself in the direction the map tells you?

Okay, so I'm doing some inner contemplation. Because all the outside stuff I do matters to me, but is small in comparison to the most important thing I do - which is be true to myself and live every day of my life with intention. Maybe this is a pep talk, because I have a certain level of fear. Fear in the unknown. In change. (But GOSH! Isn't change supposed to be the goal. Can't get there without it!). So what am I afraid of?

I think at the ripe old age of 26 (next month I won't be able to say this), I can deny all I want, but I know that all those cultural messages I've experienced my whole life, whether I verbally disagree with them or not, are deeply ingrained in my brain.

My mind sends the message to the rest of me (usually starting with my stomach) that something is just not quite right. It is so hard to get beyond these messages. These behavior and thought patterns. For example, I've done wonders in dealing with daily, unimportant stressors that used to send me over the edge. I'm currently trying to overcome a work related stressor that has had me crazy all week. I just can't stop thinking about it. Can't let go.

So if I have a major "thing" I want in my life, but because of all this programming I feel fear, can I overcome and take action? Can I make for myself the life I FEEL matters? Can I give my life the meaning I crave? That is, after all, the point of all this breathing!

No Choice in Health Care

2007-12-13T13:59:00.001-04:00

I feel this topic may become a series in itself. Over the course of my life improvement project, I have (while appreciating some of the major accomplishments traditional medicine has made) started to be repulsed by the "quick-fix" mentality of popping pills. Maybe a lot of symptoms are a part of something bigger. Maybe popping a pill only masks the problem. I've really gotten interested in learning about herbal remedies and alternative healing. Unfortunately, that leaves me a little at an impasse.

Being without insurance in a country where medical care is enough to bankrupt even well-off families is just a bad idea, right? And you pay so much for that health insurance that you really have to work with them to get the most out of your money (even if you NEVER use it). You may one day have an emergency and NEED it.

So I did some research into the companies my employer does business with. Surprisingly my current provider was the only one who even recognized alternative (and while they have a "discount" program, it is for acupuncture, homeopathy, stuff like that) healing. I was specifically looking for a Naturopathic Physician to make my primary care physician. There isn't one in the network.

Maryland, in fact, is one of the many states that doesn't recognize Naturopathy, doesn't license, and doesn't regulate them. Would in fact probably prefer to forget they exist.

Indeed, when I contacted my provider, I was told Naturopaths (still waiting to see if they answer my question of distinction between Naturopaths and Naturopathic Physicians) were not legally qualified physicians. So while the costs of health care (were I to break a bone or need lab tests) forces me to have health insurance, health insurance providers do not allow me to choose for myself.

Is anyone else concerned? This is not opportunity or choice, this is...dare I say it?...fascism. Forcing me to support a particular system or philosophy above all others (i.e. those not recognized by the mainstream) - sounds about right to me.

So maybe I want to have a health plan that is less about synthetic drugs (don't get me started on major pharmaceuticals and prescription providers) and crisis control and more about natural prevention and safe treatment alternatives. Maybe I want a healer who actually spends time on my unique issues or needs and not typing notes into a laptop computer and barely looking at me while she/he rushes me through an exam. Does this make me subversive?

Damn right it does! But this is personal AND political and like other issues that affect my daily life, I am going to ride this one out. Health care is right up there with clean food and refusing to become nothing more than a consumer to an economy that is happy producing crap mass marketed at your big-box store that will fall apart just before next season pumps out a "better" more expensive version.

I will keep you informed of my discussion with my insurance provider and if I ever find a way to pursue a more natural path to health.

Maybe if something is wrong, we should stop trying to make it work

2007-11-21T11:49:00.000-04:00

No I haven't moved into the shrinking wild to join a commune.

But I have been reading like mad trying to find some insight into what I'm realizing is far bigger than just my own quarter-life crisis. It's definitely global, and it's not my life, it's my culture. My pulling back from so much of what seems like distraction from the truth has lead me to several books that have "changed my life." Okay, too dramatic - only I can change my life. But they have certainly CHANGED MY MIND. Or redirected the focus.

If you feel like something just isn't adding up to a complete, fulfilled, meaningful life...perhaps it's the way we live. Buying every new toy and technology won't get you the what you desperately need. Having every modern convenience won't get you there. Everything we try to do to make life "worth it" is depleting the already overstretched resources of this planet and destroying countless other species (guess what...they may not seem important in your day to day pondering of the meaning of last night's reality show...but destroying earth's diversity will pull you right down into extinction with the rest of the ecosystem).

And maybe buying LED light bulbs and recycling and rejecting the poisons that most companies would gladly sell you or pump into the air may give you the warm fuzzies (and it's a step toward sustainability) but it seems to me that it's putting a band aid on a stab wound while we continue to play with blades.

Culture is working very hard to make you stay just the way you are. Consuming (poorly made, disposable, replaceable-next-season) products as if there were no limit, has to stop. It seems impossible to convince people (i.e. our own government leaders, who refuse to take part in any global effort at reducing the fatal effects of climate change, pollution, or species extinction) that there is even a problem, let alone that the way we live cannot possibly continue in a sustainable way. Cannot possibly continue for much longer at the rate we are going. How are we ever going to make enough positive changes to make life possible for our children or grandchildren?

Every journey begins with a single step. As Gandhi said, you have to be the change you wish to see. Now is a pretty good time to ask yourself if the thousands of dollars you are about to spend on worthless (yet, surprisingly expensive) crap to replace or add to your already astounding mountains of crap, is a good idea.

Yes, I sound angry and hopeless. But despite all that, I have been reading an author who brings me great hope. I think if everyone read his message (though some might be quite angry, and with good reason - you've been lied to...) then we might have a chance. Daniel Quinn's books Ishmael, the Story of B, and My Ishmael are a good place to start. You could pick up any number of scientific texts and get pretty much the same idea, but Quinn goes further into the philosophical and actually answers questions. If something didn't work last year, or the year before, or the year before...why are we going to try it again this year?

What a strange world...

2007-10-10T18:08:00.000-04:00

I have been reading a lot of Barbara Kingsolver lately. She questions how people can ignore reality so well in this country. Believe everything they are told and refuse to see the ugly truths all around them. Seems to me we are trained to take the treat and be good zombies, never waking up, or questioning how things are run.

Enough ranting. Or not.

I read in today's news that our government is wasting taxpayer dollars to decide semantics. Maybe there is more to it that I could find, but it seems they were voting on whether to call the execution of 1.5 million Armenians around the time period of WWI "genocide" or not. And playing politics, the Turkish government has said 'don't do it.' Concerned with access to the middle east, Bush has said 'don't do it.' Call a spade a spade. We don't pay taxes for rich, white men to argue history. If our government cares so deeply about human rights and injustice, maybe a good hard look at our current foreign policies is in order. Stop wasting time on semantics and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. But that would probably require a joint congressional something-or-other just to discuss the possibility of maybe considering to act.

So I sit here and continue to feel sick. What are we doing here? If we all are satisfied with becoming expert shoppers and accumulating stuff and never having to think about anything else while we let a few leaders choose how we will be remembered in history (if we last much longer) - then really, what is the point?

Friday...

2007-09-28T15:26:00.000-04:00

I've been a very busy girl.

This time of year is killing my budget. I took my two fluffballs to the vet a few weeks ago. I finally gave in to the pain and went to the eye doctor to get new contacts. I've been in glasses for the last week, though days like today, I still get headaches. Waiting for contacts to come in, so I can spend another exorbitant chunk of change.

It seems like everyone had a birthday, complete with birthday meal.

I've also been going to conferences for work, for which I truly believe it is faux pas to pack a sammy. So this upcoming week will find me forced to eat out. The past couple weeks I was only mildly nudged to go out. Bad Ashlee has been using the other credit card. Intended for big stuff like vet and contacts...I have put some birthday/conference/photography equipment purchases on there. But, despite being naughty...I have been paying big chunks as I go. So, not a total flop.

I've been cooking interesting dishes. I still need to cook the cabbage (never had cabbage before!). Maybe I'll go all out and buy corned beef and bake some soda bread. I'm not Irish, I just wish I was.

I am now a brunette. Henna is fabulous but incredibly messy. Like rubbing mud in your hair. Which as some point in the process became very liberating. I felt like a mud goddess.

Mentioned briefly above in finances; I am now taking a photography course to force myself to improve and to have access to one of my favorite places - a darkroom. If I do good, I may be forced to finally go to the hardware store for masonry nails so I can display my art.

The new apartment is wonderful, though my business interrupts my cleaning. I have good intentions, but then I go bake bread or something and it is all undone. Line drying the laundry is working out well. And probably the best option, considering I put a load of linens in the dryer and....in rental dryer fashion, barely un-sogged them. I love messing with the spell check demon. I've done little in the realm of decorating, but I have broken some dishes...so may need to go to Pier One for their next big sale. Bad Ashlee. Bad. I have a pretty solid idea of my color scheme, and really need to go look for fabric. Painting, I decided, is not something I want to do immediately. It would be a pain to paint it back, and I need to get a better view of the future first. I plan on staying in Gbelt but you never know!

And I have achieved a small victory. I have narrowed down canned cat food brands and have a few that the queen of pickiness regularly eats. She has even allowed flavors OTHER than ocean fish into her diet. She still requires a treat (found a brand she will eat, too) placed in front of the bowl, to signal mealtime, and on top of the wet food. To remind her it's food. Now if I could just get the queen of pigydom to stop eating everyone's leftovers (and to stop having smelly litterbox problems) we'd be set.

Welcome to the Jungle

2007-08-26T16:37:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've updated my progress. I've been in the new apartment for over a month now. I really like it and the cats seemed pleased.

I just returned to Wyoming this past week to see family (which has grown substantially since my last visit 3 years ago). E-town is not much changed, although there seems to be a housing boom going on. Weird.

I'm starting to integrate into my strange new home. I'm venturing forth for more than food and books now, and while writing this, am sitting in the local cafe, listening to a mix of some alternative music piped through the stereos and live Celtic music being played in the next room. The same people keep popping into my day, but no new friends yet.

I'm planning on signing up for a local photography class, to refresh. I can scrounge up the money, and it will give me some familiarity and routine so I will actually go and use the darkroom. Funny how things work out. I've been looking into community darkrooms, and found one in Rockville (30-40 minutes away) and starting looking into University access. Now, just down the street, I have one more need satisfied by the planned community I call home. This place is very Arts oriented, so I certainly can never say there is nothing to see or do.

On that note, I'm planning my next cool outing - The Seafood Festival in Annapolis, combining two of my favorite things: seafood and music. Anyone in the area interested in joining me, I'm trying to raise a contingent. For motivation, see my previous posting on Shamrock Fest - Scythian will be playing. Yay.

Finished reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. Those Brits are so funny. I would recommend if you are looking for something light and hilarious.

Struggling through Ulysses.

Harry Potter and the Health Insurance Provider of Doom

2007-08-06T14:30:00.001-04:00

I have finally seen Harry Potter #5 on the silver screen. Fabulous! After reading the last book last week - I am excited for the final two movies, but sad the story has come to an end.

On that note: I don't currently have internet access in my new apartment. This may be a continuing trend, as I refuse to do business with Comcast and satellite access...well, I might as well sell a kidney if I want to pay for that foolishness.

I am slowly being disenchanted with this "adult" world I live in. If it wasn't already obvious. I have not yet seen Sicko - but my own experience with health care in the past 6 months has made me ill all on it's own. It's one of those situations you feel helpless to change - health care and prescription drugs are inappropriately expensive without insurance (so you're lucky if you can get/pay for it), but you have to dance with them every step of the way. I almost wonder sometimes if it's worth the cost (I pay around $400/yr for prescription coverage) - but health isn't something you can predict.

My vision "discount" for toric lenses (because I have an astigmatism) barely covers one box (i.e. if worn as my last eye doctor recommends, three months). My new prescription provider, I learned, charges the difference between generic and brand if generic is available. And no, generic is NOT always the same as the brand. And I'm sure some pencil pusher knows better than a doctor what's best for a patient.

So my best bet is to stay healthy. If only I were a witch in London...

If you aren't always improving, you're standing still

2007-07-24T14:53:00.000-04:00

So I now have a new apartment! I'm about to go through a bunch more positive life change, but before I tell you my new goals, I might as well look at where I am now.

Since the beginning of the year, I have eliminated non-natural/chemical laden cleaning products. I use baking soda, vinegar, and Dr. Bronners (castille soap) to clean just about everything. Vinegar on glass and in toilets. A mixture of the above products with some essential oil in a spray bottle. I also use baking soda in the wash. The only products I buy for the household are laundry detergent, a non-chlorine bleach powder (haven't really used this much yet), and the above mentioned products.

My personal care routine is pretty natural too. I use mineral make-up, Dr. Bronners to wash my face and hair (my shampoo is castille soap, glycerin, essential oil, and baking soda with some water...baking soda is optional, I know this because I ran out), sugar and essential oil (exfoliate), witch hazel, essential oil and rose water (tone), apple cider vinegar to rinse my hair (just a little with cold water; drinking unfiltered hasn't really become a part of my routine, but it's very good for you), contact solution I get from the natural food store, toothpaste (I use JASONS), a boar-bristle brush, regular old soap, a shaving cream I bought from Whole Foods (which I like so I may keep using), and olive oil (for hair and skin, although I have tried some cocoa butter...smells good). Sounds more complicated than it is - many of the ingredients I use do double or triple duty (Bronners for me and cleaning...baking soda) - I have only a few containers to deal with and my ingredients last through several batches.

My buying is way down, and I'm actually contemplating the whole, buy nothing new "thing" and using freecycle or thrift stores. So there's a new goal - trying not to consume new things where I can buy used.

Recycling - I've been doing okay but I want to do better and reduce my trash output. In fact, another goal/project is to compost. I don't have a garbage disposal now and I hate stinky trash. After some research - I've decided on composting with a worm box. I'm actually curious more than ickified. But that would meet my goal of reducing waste, AND my other goal of growing some herbs and having more plants. Can we say free soil?

I mentioned that I buy laundry detergent - when this bottle runs out, I shall be making my own from a pretty basic recipe that saves lots of money and seems pretty easy. I no longer use the dryer on my clothes, I line dry...or in an apartment, rack dry. I don't have a rack yet, so I'm improvising. I need a fabric softener ball so I can try my other new thing - vinegar to soften fabric (and no it doesn't smell, but actually is a natural deodorizer).

The cats! I have integrated both natural wheat litter and wet food into their lives. And for the most part they love it. Nimmy has been picky, but I think on the whole they are happier and healthier. I want to get them chipped this year also.

My move has put me closer to work, but I will lessen my carbon footprint (and save money) by using mass transit. Plus I will be walking a couple miles each day to and from my bus stop - exercise! That paired with walking up my three flights of stairs, I should be good to go.

My goal of reading more has already been doing pretty good, but now that I don't have a TV it can only do more. This freed up time will also, hopefully, result in me writing more. And numerous other things I enjoy but didn't make time for in the past. You could call this the making my time count goal.

I have been eating much healthier, and cooking a lot more - but I could always do better.

Other changes: I will be switching to a credit union soon and I've started a SRA for retirement. I currently don't have internet...this will work itself out. I may have to get out into the world to get some free wi fi - a cool cafe near my place provides it. Maybe I will meet some new people too!

What is This Strange Place?

2007-07-14T22:25:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the world. About human culture. About our society and its highest values and ideals. So often, the people of this society say one thing and do another. They preach a way to live that even they cannot realize. It's like no one really knows how they should be living, or what is really valuable.

I used to be addicted to consumption. Now, I look at the world around me and sometimes can't believe people subscribe to it. We talk big about values like honesty, integrity, etc. yet we spend more time worshipping television than we spend strengthening our bonds with loved ones and exploring our own spirituality. We pay lip service to our souls, then muddle through the days, the weeks, the years.

Take a minute tomorrow to really look at what surrounds you on a daily basis. Look at the images and the sound bytes that fill our waking world. The culture we live in allows us to be completely anonymous, yet a select few are exposed under a microscope for our pleasure. We hear people tout family values and brotherhood of man, yet we claw at each other for the next ridiculous child's toy or hot new phone. Human potential has no place, no real place at least, beyond tonight's made for tv movie, in our society. We are taught from day one, that the best we can hope for is to be a gold medal consumer. If you are lucky or if you work hard (mind you, that means having no passion, little time for family, and no time to breath or understand this journey we have been gifted) you can get a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger life filled with all the things money can buy.

Maybe I just live in a strange place - people rushing past each other on their way to something "important" - too important to respect any other life form that happens to get in their way. People who would otherwise be very nice get impatient and angry over something as small as traffic moving too slowly. Is anyone really happy?

I look around and I am terrified. Not of terrorists killing random people for a cause. Not global destruction wrought by our own hands (though I am not stupid or naive enough to convince myself it's no big deal, won't affect me - I know in my lifetime I will see the climate change in ways that could shake our societies to the ground). Not by random crime in the street as people desperately try to get theirs, society after all says more more more. I know something is wrong - my fear is that everyone else knows too, and would rather pretend it's not there and drone on like good worker bees. My fear is that I will never be a part of something I know is good and right. It all seems too big for one person, or even thousands of people who all feel this, to ever make it right again.

I turned on the tv tonight - in a weeks time my 'no tv' experiment will be in full force - and a show was speculating what technology we will possess in 50 years. Nothing they showed me made me feel any better. Technology could save us, but I think the underlying cultural force will win out.

What if YOU were a Boy Wizard?!

2007-07-04T17:07:00.000-04:00

I'm making some progress with my packing. I'm really excited just to be in a new place, full of possibility. And I'm excited to not be living in a basement anymore. This is now my third basement, and though not the most unpleasant, it certainly has not been fabulous. It is always cool to cold and there is an ever-present musty feel. Damp. Dark. That's the worst - if I can't look out onto the world and feel like I am a part of it, I am dead inside. It's like I'm living in a bunker.

I will probably never use the two space heaters that were a requirement to surviving winter nights after I'm moved. In the last two weeks, I need to release a few more things. I still have books in my car. A few trips and I'd be set (although I'm still holding out to sell a few things), but it's very hard to motivate myself right now.

I'm realizing I may need to tighten my belt for a few months until I am used to my new budget. The new apartment is quite a bit more, and though I will be saving money on transportation costs, it will eat up my paycheck pretty fast. I've been doing well with not buying new things, but the thrill of a new place has stirred urges to buy new accoutrement. This is when my willpower will be tested. And my creativity. Because I can get the basic decor I want, I just can't go for my preference - which for some reason is always the most expensive. I'm just quality like that. So if I can find a similar alternative or make my own...I'll be golden.

I'm very excited for the upcoming releases of Harry Potterdom - if you couldn't tell. I don't know which is cooler, the movie or the book...because with the book I'm bound to feel that finality that comes with the end of a series. It always makes me sad and nostalgic.

I feel my quest toward simplicity is going well, and a move has only reignited my fervor. Having less means packing less and lifting less up three flights of stairs. And I find myself at the mercy of friends with big vehicles. I think I've ruled out a rental truck, but I do have a few big pieces of furniture I can't move without something more substantial than a Hyundai.

*Side note. For the first time, I have a chip in my windshield...it quickly grew to a long crack. The two places I've talked to seem to think it can't be repaired. =( May need to replace it. Stupid trucks.*

I'm entertaining the thought of a cargo van. Less expense than the massive truck (though gas will still slice me) but able to transport large pieces. I need to decide soon, though. Only two weeks before I move. Hopefully all the people who have offered their assistance will commit.

Countdown to Harry Potter

2007-06-28T21:41:00.000-04:00

Update on cats:
This evening, after shutting Nimue in a room by herself for an hour and her not eating...I sat down with her and had a wee chat. I learned that when she gets a taste of something, it convinces her that she's wrong. I put some dry food outside the bowl and tempted, she checked out the wet food. Lo and behold, she liked it and ate down most of it. Didn't touch the kibble. I may be able to switch them to a better diet yet. And all it took was tuna, coaxing, and a little trickery.

Update on me:
My cooking has been pretty pathetic lately. I did discover Newman's minty delicious O's. Probably not the best thing for a healthy diet, but everything in moderation. I did some research on traditional British food and tried a few recipes. Turns out many of the dishes I know and love have traditions in British cooking...I just never knew it.

I did make some pretty good soft tacos with meatless soy morsels. No I'm not a veggie, but with the right spices - they were quite delicious.

I now have a retirement account! The amount per pay period is not very much now, but I'm meeting the maximum employer match amount, so I will be saving about $1200 a year. Most of my money is allocated to equities, but I put a big chunk into a socially responsible investment package (have both stocks and money market accounts, but everything is invested in companies that practice sustainable business). I feel like a little adult.

I have been doing pretty good reigning in the spending. Really most of my splurging is food and social functions. Although I was recently tempted to get a new slipcover for my loveseat. White is just NOT a good color for stains and two dark cats. I found a natural color online for $20...I nearly jumped on that! But any purchase worth making is worth thinking through. Really a black slipcover would be the best choice. So I will save some cash and get one when I actually have the money saved. I also got the new West Elm catalog and began fantasizing about my newly designed home....full of painfully expensive pieces. Doesn't mean I can't have a space I love. I know what style I like, and the colors I want. Now I just have to watch for less expensive knock-offs or clearance sales.

I need a solution for separating recyclables...which I'm sure I could buy some overpriced item. Or I could look at the overpriced item's basic design and make my own solution. How many times have I shelled out cash for something, when a perfectly good, sometimes better, solution cost less. The good consumer doesn't think, but jumps mindlessly to every new thing. So...while I may make impulse buys...I'm getting pretty good at keeping in mind things I need to watch for and thinking through purchases before I leap. Chances are I don't need or really want the thing anyway. And then I can buy more Newman's fabulously minty O's!

Success!

2007-06-24T19:08:00.000-04:00

For the past several weeks, I have been trying to overhaul the pet care side of my life, much like other areas currently in transition. If I don't want chemicals and crappy food for myself, I certainly don't want it for my two cats, Nimue and Cordelia.

The first adjustments was litter. I have always used clumping litter, but hated the tracking and the dust. After reading that the dust can be bad for both of us, and that cats sometimes ingest the super absorbent litter - I started looking for a better option. I found a wheat based litter (S-Wheat) that clumps, but has very little dust. There is still some tracking but it has improved. Mostly I just need to vacuum more often.

There is a unique smell that took a while for me to get used to. Then I had to deal with some other behavioral issues (mind you, they hardly blinked at the switch of litter). I was finding the placement of a box in the bathroom was not so good. The dampness (combined with the fact that they were only using that box, made it hard to keep clean enough to avoid bad pee-smell.

I moved both boxes. I didn't want a box in the bathroom, but something about where the other box was they did not like. Still a favor to the one box led me to switch boxes, to see if maybe it was a box preference. Both are hooded, but one is pretty compact. I removed the hood to that one...and now they were favoring the unhooded box!

I had wanted to wait to get a third box until I moved, but I was consistently reading that it is necessary to have one box per cat, plus one. So I bought a deep, un-hooded box and placed it in a third location. Even if I miss a day scooping, the combination of number of boxes, litter, and location makes it so easy to stay caught up and avoid any smell.

Step two was food. I switched to a better quality dry food after doing some research about what to look for. A specific meat as the first ingredient (i.e. Chicken meat) is a plus. It should also state that it meets AFFCO feeding test (best) or nutritional quality...something like that. I moved myself over to the expensive isle in Petsmart and read almost every bag.

But the major goal is to integrate wet food. I will look to a complete switch when it is more feasible, but for now, I just wanted to get some wet food into their diet. Cats are carnivores and dessert dwellers. In nature, they get most of their water from their food, and as a result have very low thirst urges. Dry foods contain mostly carbohydrates; grains that a cat would never eat naturally. They are usually sprayed with something that smells good to the cat, essentially getting them hooked on the junk food that it is. So they are dehydrated, and not really getting what they need to be healthy and live long lives. My research points to a raw meat diet with supplements as the best (they would be consuming bone and stomach content in the wild), but if I can just get wet food, and maybe a few other natural treats in there I would be thrilled.

So here comes the hard part. I did not realize how stubborn my very own cat can be. Cordelia is about two years old. She was rescued from a hoarders house, where she was malnourished, starved, and eating rotten food. Cordelia will eat anything she sees. The only hard part with her was starting a meal-time structure. Free feed was over (and probably leading to her being overweight, munching endlessly on carbs). They have both adjusted quite well to morning and evening meals. Cordi is in love with me now that I've given her wet food. She knows what's up - the only problem was keeping her from eating the finicky cat's food. In fact she is so pushy, I started isolating them in different rooms or trying to put Nimmy's food up high.

Nimue is about three, and born feral. Adopted as a baby, she may have only ever eaten dry food. She doesn't see much else as food. She seems to love lunch meat and chicken wings, but any other human food she sniffs and turns her nose up. She had quite an opinion about the wet food. She tried being sweet with me, sure I had made a mistake. I tried putting dry on top, wiping some wet on her paw so she would get the taste. Though wet has less smell than dry, she seemed to smell it no matter what. I tried putting some cheese on it, but she still would only eat dry. Only if the two were separated and there was very little wet would she even look at the bowl. I was starting to get the feeling she would just have to get used to it over the long haul.

Today...I tried tuna. I assumed she wouldn't like it, because she never seemed to like seafood flavored treats. I gave her a little wet, a little dry, and some tuna on one plate. After showing her the dry, she nervously edged to the bowl and tried the dry I had put on the ground. Then I put a bit of tuna on a kibble...and she liked it. She moved to the bowl and started to eat the tuna, ignoring the dry altogether. She even licked the wet as she scooped up tuna (which may get her used to the taste so she will associate it as food). She ate nearly all the tuna. I kept telling her how happy I was. Success!!

Now I know what to try. I may try tuna on top of wet. Or lunch meat for that matter. If you give cats human grade meats, make sure they don't have added salt. The market I go to luckily had no salt added tuna. I am just pleased she will eat something other than dry. I don't want it to be the base of their diet.

So I just expounded on feeding cats. One step closer to crazy cat lady status.

The odyssey begins. I have begun packing - and the cats know something is up. Actually, Nimmy, the smart one, knows what's up, Cordi is just thrilled there are boxes to jump in. Despite having two comfortable cat beds, she choose to sleep in a cardboard box last night. Four weeks to move time. I finally dropped off the boxes in my car to charity, and will hopefully get the books to donate to the library soon. The less I have to move the better. And if I don't want it, it's gone. Life is going to be so much easier after my recent simplification. I may even find more I don't need as I pack.

The Vatican Agrees!

2007-06-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

Today I read about the recently released '10 Commandments of driving' from the Vatican. Oh if only everyone would take a moment to realize how awful we all become behind the wheel of a car.

Moving to the DC area opened my eyes to truly dangerous driving behavior. People loose all sense of decency and accountability when driving. The "ME" definitely comes out to play as aggressive drivers put us all in danger because they feel special. Americans don't know how to queue! Every morning and evening I struggle to protect myself from drivers who would just as soon push you out of their way with their bumpers (and some who look like they already have done elsewhere) than give you your equal right to the road.

While I don't plan on praying before each trip (although I occasionally find myself doing so around 5:30 on Rt. 1), these 'commandments' are things everyone should already be doing. A little sense of responsibility, community, and personal accountability would make everyone a little more aware of how they treat others and present themselves when traveling to and fro. We should all strive to be better, and driving is one area where many feel they can behave like selfish beasts.

Jolly good, Pope!

Life: The Grand Experiment

2007-06-11T23:02:00.000-04:00

I'm about to move once again, hopefully the last time for a while. My goal of lightening the load has done some good, but foreseeing the move ahead, I need to make a couple mad dashes to donate. I now have two boxes of books and a box of miscellaneous stuff, on its way out. Yay for simplifying.

I can watch DVD's on the ol' laptop, but I currently cannot afford the digital TV tuner I planned to replace the TV I recently released into the wild. So...I will be living for a while without a TV at all. A little scared (how will I live without the History, Discovery, and Learning channels...) but also excited. I know it will force me to make more time to read all the books on my lifetime reading list. Also, I hope to set aside time to write. And of course, there is the violin I want to learn to play so I can lure some dirty Irish boy out of town. Or was that a pipe...

Anyway, I'm feeling very positive. Hopeful even. I could be suffocating in pain and regret, but I'm turning it all around and trying to practice these fine Buddhist principles I'm learning - like letting go. Considering everything, every thought, and then letting it go. I don't quite have the 'stop blaming myself, stop punishing myself, stop feeling guilty' thing down yet.

I feel like I'm getting more organized as my stuff becomes smaller piles of stuff. Really, I'm getting down to the point where most of the stuff, is very useful or stuff I really love. That's the goal. Baby steps - not a success until my car is not laden with stuff.

On a green note, I will soon be relinquishing my parking permit and jumping on the shuttle to get to work. Being so much closer would have saved me a ton on gas, but this step further saves me money and makes me feel good about not driving my high-efficiency sub-compact too much. Yay me.

And due to good fortune, I will be visiting Wyoming for the first time in many years this August. Hopefully I will get a chance to look up some old friends. I'm always amazed by what everyone is doing.

What is Wrong with the Media...Can't they Read?

2007-05-29T21:56:00.000-04:00

Naturally, I would click right past O'Reilly, but when I heard mention of Boulder High School - very near where I grew up and a school with a positive reputation - I had to pause.

My blood pressure would have been better had I not seen. Irate right-wing loonies talking about panelists enthusiastically backing sex at young ages, drug use...I even heard support for incest. With a grain of salt (considering the source), I went looking for the actual transcript. I wonder how many of these morons blindly accepted the outcry of their brethren - believing everything they were fed, like every other part of their lives. Free thought! Why, thought should be outlawed, along with free speech.

While the transcript contained more 'likes' than I could stomach (really the travesty is that high school students aren't more coherent and well-spoken) - the overall message was a very positive one. The problem of course is that it was coming from people who aren't afraid to speak the truth and accept the world is not black and white. We can learn from each other's experiences, but only if we aren't afraid to speak without judgment.

And believe me - a lot of people have absolutely no room to judge.

So did this panel warrant the man-hunt and disgraceful violation of personal space by school board members and the principal, just so that O'Reilly and his minions could get their jollies? Not so much.

But don't take my word for it. Have a mind - and make it up on your own. I wonder if Daphne ever had an original thought on her own without her overbearing mother (who is so unsure of her control or her parenting, or maybe she is doubting her own beliefs and needs a little bullying to set it right) or whoever else planting it there.

What? Sexuality is human? Sexuality is not dirty or ugly or disgraceful? Which is it - either it's wrong and you hate your bodies and never speak of it (or the abuse, self-hatred, and other awful things repressing it brings out) - or you have nothing to do with any part of it, and hopefully Darwin's theory will work itself out. Stop procreating if sex is so wrong. Otherwise, shut it and stop trying to force your skewed sense of morality onto everyone around you. We are just trying to live, to learn for ourselves, to grow spiritually and really become better, whole people. Are you teaching that to your kids? Or just to hate and reject anything that isn't on your 'holier than thou' list.

Yes this made me angry. That something so basic as human sexuality and practice that has been a part of civilization for millenia is getting this kind of attention when real travesty is going on in the world. But heaven forbid your children hear anything about sex. Ever.

Especially the real message of the panelists, which seems to have been lost in EVERY news story (if you call this news) I saw on this before I had to say my piece: Don't let anyone make decisions about sex and drugs for you. Both can be damaging. Both can be exhilarating. Your decisions are a part of learning how to be alive, but really live with intention. Think. On the whole, many young people are not prepared for what sex and drugs bring - but rejection of knowledge, of information - can be more damaging in the long run. Be true to yourself. Know yourself. And love life without ever taking it for granted.

This is NOT a Partisan Issue, It's an American Issue

2007-05-27T10:17:00.000-04:00

This country is a country of immigrants. We mark our history by the waves of varying nationalities coming to this country to have a better life. Considering how long we've been doing this, you would think we would have a better system in place. An efficient, functioning, organized system that serves the American people and the future of this country.

So what is the problem. How is it our political parties can't seem to at least see basic necessities? With all this argument over amnesty (and believe me, I am against rewarding illegal behavior - it sends a pretty clear message that this society has no rules; it makes any future enforcement that much more difficult; it's a slap in the face to every person who has sacrificed to be a part of an organized society) is missing the point.

This country is huge geographically, and just about anyone could essentially disappear into the cracks and do pretty much whatever they can get away with. I see it every day - people who reject societal rules meant to protect and organize the greater good because they just don't want to. I guess they miss the point in thinking they are special - that it takes a united effort to make a society work (one that maybe the individualist message and way of life Americans embrace might run counter to). Right now, there are so many examples as to why society isn't working.

I am not supporting a military regime, or more pointless laws that police morality while the basic structure falls apart. But I think the immigration issue is one we cannot ignore for the sake of our rich cronies who like to hire cheap labor so they can rake in higher returns, or for the sake of not wanting to make another colossal mistake, or for sheer laziness.

If a partisan argument over amnesty pushes this bipartisan resolve to improve our immigration system - we are lost, my friends.

As I was graduating college years ago, I knew some people who had been hired as part of the new wave of border patrol agents. This strengthened arm of the law was supposed to secure the border and close the distance to having a secure border. A report recently released shows this is far from what has happened during the Bush regime. How is this acceptable to anyone? That in this none to popular country among people who have no problem with violence to achieve a goal, we have no clue who is coming in or going out of this country.

So priority #1 needs to be securing the border(s) - yes, there are quite a few. And our ports should be included in that priority.

The above cited report indicates that at least workplace raids are up.... Except that those being arrested are the workers, not the employers. When you want to enforce something (the best example would be our ridiculous drug laws), you don't start at the bottom and think you are going to impact behavior AT ALL. So you arrest an illegal worker - you shatter their life, and maybe a few lives attached to him/her - but the system doesn't change. Unless you are punishing the source of those jobs for illegal workers, employers big and small - nothing is going to happen. Supply and demand: you remove one drug dealing, foot-soldier, one prostitute, one illegal worker, there is going to be one more to take the place. Because the drug user, the john, and the greedy employer looking for cheap labor is still offering the opportunity.

Why don't Republicans want to enforce this part of our immigration law? Because it is their most ardent supporters who hire illegals (sometimes not paying them, always paying them less than a living wage, less than our laws allow - because these people have no power and no voice). So not only are these employers looking to make an extra buck for themselves breaking the law, many of them are violating basic human rights and not really doing anyone a favor.

So priority #2 should be ENFORCING laws that prohibit illegal immigrants from being employed - at the top levels. Really crack down on employers and you will see some change. They cannot plead ignorance (though, yes, there is a booming industry for identity theft and fraud to play along with the corrupt system of employers). They deal with tax and social security issues all the time. The bigger the employer, the more hoops there are to jump through to ensure you can legally work. I practically have to give blood (and have had to pee in a cup) to get jobs before. If I have to provide a social security card, license, and birth certificate, how are they hiring people without the appropriate paperwork?

I don't know if I'm coming off as conservative or liberal here - but this will throw you. While we absolutely cannot reward illegal behavior - there needs to be something in place (besides just sending people back on a plane, giving them a visa to officially acquiesce, whatever) to address our huge illegal immigrant population. Sending them all packing seems not only cruel (many have built lives for themselves and their family) and logistically impossible. With secure borders and realistic enforcement, coupled with a more straight-forward realistic process for subsequent potentials - we still have to deal with the current illegal population. What exactly do those screaming no amnesty suggest? Our government created this problem by doing nothing, it's their responsibility to find the best solution - not bitch and moan to prevent them from doing any real, valuable work (and heaven forbid, earning their paycheck, representing their constituents, etc).

If fines are not the most realistic way to sanction a violation of the law of the country these individuals are trying to assimilate into - then come up with a solution, oh ye lawmakers of ill-repute. If a special visa is amnesty but a guest worker program keeps your buddies' businesses a-runnin' what's the real issue here. Political posturing? (I have to say, John McCain's comments about the duplicity of this issue, and really the desire not to see it when it's right in front of you...eh-he, Romney...)

If these educated, professional lawmakers can't work this out (and I get the feeling no one really listens to each other up there on the hill) - then what's the point? If this issue is too hard, what about the crumbling education system. Hell, what about health care. Heaven help us.

Ode to Summer

2007-05-18T08:08:00.000-04:00

Writing down goals may be the best way to remind myself that I made them in the first place. So before the Autumnal Equinox I want to:

1) Move into my own apartment in Greenbelt.

2) Save money in a SRA and in savings

3) Pay down my debt by $1500

4) Visit the community darkroom and have at least one of my own prints hanging on my wall

5) Go shopping for some vintage clothes

*You may the the last one contradicts my semi-anti-consumer mindset - but everyone needs clothes, and if they are well-made and used, I'm not really impacting as much as say, buying some mass produced, poorly made clothes from a company who employs who-knows-who and ships from who-knows-where. Besides, I want a pretty dress.

Fallen off the face of the Planet

2007-05-16T19:31:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I have done much of anything in the virtual world. I have been fairly busy. I've also been very tired, but more on that later.

Last weekend I was re-motivated to find out more about my ancestry, going back to the old country. I attended a Celtic festivals complete with Scottish and Irish clans. I wanted to know where I come from. I want to have it down to names and regions and family groups if possible. So my long-term project will hopefully get some momentum from that experience.

I haven't been writing articles, but that doesn't mean I've stopped learning. I have a few pieces I need to finish involving hair care and skin care (all-natural of course!), but as my lifestyle changes my momentum slows. You can only change so much in any amount of time, and my focus seems to have shifted to the financial forum. Since I know my financial failings make me far from an expert on the subject, I am doing more reading than writing.

But in that vein, I have been planning how to allocate my forthcoming raise, and I now feel I have the means and motivation to open a retirement account (probably a 403 b...but I will talk to the experts on that one). I'm really excited to save and grow some hard earned cash so I can one day live on the beach. But I can also continue to put my money where my mouth is. I plan on putting my money into Socially Responsible Investment options. Just one person can make a difference, and in this society - the biggest source of power is money. You do so much by choosing where your money will go. Even with small everyday purchases.

On the "purchase" power front - I am slowly buying more and more from the organic market. I recently replaced facial tissues and paper towel (products I find almost impossible to eliminate from my home) with post-consumer recycled paper. Makes me feel a little better that I'm not cutting down trees to wipe my face. Toilet paper is soon to follow. And I think at that point there will be few if any products in my home that do not contain all-natural ingredients and/or sustainable production methods. (I still haven't replaced my eye make-up, sigh.)

My motivation has slowed in many areas, and I currently have several piles that are patiently waiting for their destiny. Some I need to take to the thrift shop some morning. Another box to the library book sale this week. And a huge pile I want to put on eBay. I need to step it up, because I now know where I want to live and will hopefully be moving in the next few months.

I also joined a Freecycle group, though I think I need to join a different one closer to work since that's where I would want people to pick stuff up from. If all else fails - I will give some things away. Maybe I can even find some used items that I "need" and prevent myself from buying new.

And that leads my to my monthly experiment in the vein of those CA folks who bought nothing new (outside of the basics, food, personal care products, etc) for a year. May has been buy nothing month. Already I have a couple guilty marks on my record. My litter scoop broke, so I bought a new one. I couldn't really wait to find one used, my boxes stank. Also, I bought a floppy hat to wear on sunny days - this however was not totally naughty. It was relatively inexpensive, made from hemp (a quality product that is overlooked for obvious reasons), and being out in the sun a lot lately I needed something to protect my skin and eyes. So I don't feel really bad. Since the idea is mostly to wean yourself from the culture of mass-consumption of everything and anything whether you need it or not, I'm not completely failing. The energy and waste caused by making lots of new (and crappy quality) stuff is the other motivator. I haven't ruled out orienting myself with groups like Freecycle or local thrift stores and yard sales to slow my contribution to the landfill. Since I don't have much money to spend, adhering to my budget a little more strictly has prevented a lot of my naughty purchases.

Reducing my expenditures is another part of my money obsession. I am currently on a wait list for a coop apartment, and I will be doing some more searching, but I know the community I want to live in and I'm super excited to get there ASAP. One reason - it is closer to work and I can take the free shuttle. It will require some sacrifice and adaptation, but saving money from gas AND a parking permit with free up quite a bit of cash. According to the estimates in my head:
Gas monthly from current residence $50 ($60 with current prices), with 1 hour average commute time daily (time is money too...)
Saved by moving closer...$25-30 monthly ... $300/yr savings
Possibly saved by using mass transit...$30-40/mo ... $360/yr savings
Saved on parking permit ... $300-400/yr (don't quite know the exact price)

That's a sweet piece of change. The characters on the bus, walking and ipod time will hopefully make up for my lack of control.

Also, I just retired my car loan, so I am researching ways to reduce insurance costs. Driving less should do that nicely.

That would free up cash for my photography urges and violin lessons! Yay!

So I haven't been slacking entirely. And I may have a pretty good excuse for having no energy. I could possibly be sick and never knew about it. Waiting on some tests and feeling less guilty about slacking.

Learning to Savor Beauty

2007-04-20T21:56:00.000-04:00

So I just read an article on a website I stumbled across and recommend you peruse the next time you find yourself with a few quiet moments.

This particular article drove home my commitment to 'enough' and living with less so I can appreciate what I have. It reinforces my desire to free myself from consumer-addiction. It also prefaces a moment I had in the grocery store today. Really, most trips to the supermarket these days seems like I'm looking through new eyes. Everything being marketed, the junk I see in shoppers' carts - no wonder people look at me with disbelief when I tell them I have a weekly grocery budget of $25.

When I first started this trek to simplicity, I decided I should bring into my space beautiful things. While I still believe this, my urge to buy inexpensive flowers from the supermarket is torn by my desire to buy products with less detrimental impact to the environment. Those bundles of flowers are not likely grown with sustainable methods. Really, if I spend $5 it should be to buy a live plant. But I digress.

This eloquent article summarizes Americans' need to possess everything we see and love. Mass consumerism bordering on addiction. I absolutely see this in myself. But lately I've been better at looking without buying. Asking if it is something I need and if I could find a better deal if I wait. Before hearing this argument that we need to learn to savor beauty and release it, I wasn't all about the Buddhist ethic of non-attachment. I was a hoarder, I get attached to things so much I pile them up in every corner. But as with everything, moderation and balance are important. Learning how to appreciate without needing to take it home could do everyone a little good, if only financially. If you hold on too firmly, the thing you love will disintegrate.

That goes for moments, for experiences - but also for relationships, I think. The need to possess someone you love and desire can have disastrous effects. How many times do we have to hear the same wisdom before we practice it?

On that note, I am still making slow progress in weeding out my possessions. This week I donated some books to the library. I have made a nice little pile, and if the mood strikes I will try to sell it on eBay. I also have a box I'm filling, and when full will go to the charity thrift store. Don't worry - I still have some things.

In fact, I acquired a (used) teapot so I can brew loose leaf tea (very soothing, oh the wisdom of ritual). It is absolutely adorable and sits nicely next to my mug tree and canisters of coffee and sugar. Things look so nice when not cluttered and surrounded by electrical wires.

Too Cute I had to Stop and Share

2007-04-20T21:23:00.000-04:00

I've been lucky in that the two rescue cats I have knew from the start about litter boxes. I have had very few accidents, and one of the worst was my own fault (involved Cordelia on her first days with me, a moved litter box, and a running dryer...).

While Cordelia doesn't seem to like to be vulnerable (may look into an open box) and exits the box at a run, tracking litter halfway across the apartment, Nimue is meticulous. She spends quality time digging a nice hole and equal if not more time refilling said hole, even if it means exiting the box to get a better angle for covering.

Upon hearing a strange thump coming from the bathroom, I glanced over to see Nimue staring at the litter box. She saw me looking and ran for it. I thought maybe she had knocked the cover off. Inspection revealed a big puddle of pee on the new litter mat I just bought - it appears she didn't quite enter the box enough and her aim was a bit off. Thank goodness I decided to get this mat - not only does it trap litter and keep the floor (relatively) cleaner, but it is made of plastic so it is very easily cleaned. And thank goodness for baking soda.

After finishing cleanup, I wondered who the culprit was. Since the dim one was on the sofa facing the wall and staring fixedly at the ceiling, and Nimue was hiding behind a box and staring pointedly at me...I narrowed it down pretty quick. I quietly told her it was okay and I wasn't mad, and it took a minute to convince her. After a while, she stealthily approached the box to take another look. I think she was actually ashamed that she had made the mess and not completed her little ritual.

She is right now investigating as Cordelia (much less concerned with messes) is using the box. Being that she is a little neurotic, I think this will bother her for a while - but I thought her reaction was cute, even if the mess was not.

Ebay, Pawn Shops, and This Warped Day

2007-04-16T20:25:00.000-04:00

Today was Monday. More than that, the day was strange and disturbing in so many ways.

Let me start off with something light so I don't seem like a complete insensitive. Craigslist is great, but with books, I've started using Ebay to sell - my plan is what doesn't sell after a while will go to the library for their book sales and I can get a tax receipt. But besides getting a little addicted at finding a few things that make my life easier, I've sole quite a few. And gotten acquainted with the post office.

In my quest to whittle down my possessions to loves and needs - I visited the pawn shop today to unload a few electronics. These, my friends, are worse than cars at the value lost. I won't even talk about what I got. I didn't look at the prices for sale items, but I think they make a profit.

One more thing before I discuss what is on everyone's mind - my healthy diet and natural product kick has taken a new turn. With all the buzz about tainted pet food, I looked into the quality of consumer pet foods. I'm just getting into this, but it disturbed me a little. Cats, unlike dogs, require a good deal of meat and protein. There is very little regulation in the pet food industry it would see. At least any the average customer can decipher. The words and phrases they can use on their packaging directly relates to the ingredients. I learned you should 1) look at the first ingredient; they are listed by weight. Also only 100% meat can be called "meat" - and it's better if the meat is specified, as in chicken meat, or lamb meat. And 2) look for something that identifies that the AAFCO has certified either the nutritional content or feeding - it's better if it's about feeding. If you have pets, this is a good place to start learning.

I had so much trouble yesterday trying to find something decent based on my new found knowledge. The organic market I shop at doesn't carry very much and it was super expensive. Petsmart proved more challenging because I started with my regular brand and started reading labels. I was looking for meat as the primary ingredient and some acknowledgement of the AAFCO - even the "Naturals" from Purina that I've noticed lately...nada. So I made my way to that OTHER ailes I usually skip right over because it has the expensive brands. I had my limits, but the ones I could stomach the price...even then I had trouble. So I at least found AAFCO feeding on the package, even though what I ended up getting (twice the price of my regular brand) started out with chicken meal... I got a small canister of something pricey with high protein and meat first that I can supplement.

I don't think I could cook my cats food - I can barely do that for me sometimes. And they (myself included) aren't crazy about wet food. I might look into freeze dried varieties, because the heating process used by most dry brands eliminates a lot of the nutrients.

Anyway, how can I even think about simple things like that when this morning the most prolific mass murder occurred just hours from my home. All morning we watched as the case unfolded and the casualties went from 1 fatality to 33 before our eyes. Dozens injured. It doesn't even really make sense or register right away - someone killed 32 people. Almost three dozen. The enormity of it is incomprehensible. There are certainly more deadly events or causes out there, but what makes one person take that many lives, let alone plan out something so horrible.

The first reaction from many is, the world is more dangerous - it could happen anywhere. I don't know if that's true or if it's just so horrific to imagine this happening, we forget about past wars, tribal battles, despots who killed without batting an eye. Is it human nature or are there always a small few that are murderous by nature? Like the rogue pod of Orcas that attack and kill for reasons other than to feed. Is there an innate switch that occasionally appears in the gene pool? Or is that switch in all of us, able to be triggered by excessive stressors?

What we don't know about the human brain and DNA...

On top of all this emotional turmoil at witnessing such an unfortunate event on TV, a fire broke out on campus - I have yet to see pictures or hear about damage. But altogether, paired with gusting winds, it was a strange Monday.

In Memory

2007-04-12T09:10:00.000-04:00

For those of you not living in Indianapolis, home town of one of my favorite authors - 2007 has been named the Year of Vonnegut. It is now an unhappy coincidence that 2007 is also the year of this talented satirist's death.

Today I learned that Kurt Vonnegut died due to brain injuries sustained in a fall, at the age of 84.

Like many authors I admire, I have not read every novel he wrote. After hearing about the Year of Vonnegut, though only really relevant to people in Indiana, I committed myself to reading more of Vonnegut's existential satire. Now I am even more motivated, though saddened by this news.

I am currently on a Truman Capote kick, but beginning in May I will read and re-read all his novels. I will even try to get into his short stories, though I have never really chosen to read shorts.

For those of you who have never experienced the dark humor and social commentary this wonderful author creates, I recommend checking it out.

Why I love my Laptop

2007-04-08T19:48:00.000-04:00

For those of you following my interesting journey into Simple Living, I would like to share some insights. Despite struggling to read Walden, I too have imagined finding a quiet, untouched place and making a life far from the demented demands of society. Maybe Voluntary Simplicity is a step toward that deliberate type of life.

But unlike some of my brethren in this "movement" - I am 100% for technology. I love it. After all, we have advanced, despite what the constant stream of auto and beer commercials would suggest, and it would be foolish to deny it and go back to candles. The idea behind my goal to have fewer possessions, possessions that multi-task, and possessions that take up less space is firmly dependent upon technology.

But there's a catch. Not all technology is good or useful. And being both useful (along with long-lasting and well-crafted) and beautiful are the pinnacles of my decision making in deciding what I want to carry around. I would love to be able to afford a nice flat screen tv that perches right on my wall. *This of course goes into the discussion of how much tv should one watch and is paying for expensive broadband service a rip-off. But I digress.* And that's why I LOVE my laptop. It does so many things (and hopefully will do more for me as I ditch my 13" tv and dvd player in exchanged one day for a tv tuner) for me, it's attractive, and it's not a space hog. In fact, it fits nicely into a bag with all it's gadgets if I should every have to become a gypsy.

How do you know, though, if a technology they try to sell you is really useful and valuable to you. I had to ask this question as I started to revamp my essential kitchen. Granted, I probably don't NEED a banana hanger, but I did discover that when stored with other fruits, they tend to go bad faster than when bananas are banned from the fruit bowl. I won't get rid of my microwave, because it is also a toaster and conventional oven (multi tasker) and despite cooking more, it still provides a level of convenience I am not willing to part with. I did, however, get rid of my drip coffee make and blender (and eagerly await my mad hummus and pesto making days with a much desired immersion blender - which is a mega multi-tasker).

When I own a home, I may get rid of a bulky dresser and opt for improved closet organization instead *see Ikea, you'll get it. Technology like my fabulous IPOD is a real space saver, or at least could be if all my music was saved on a hard drive and CDs became a thing of the past. I could definitely see that happening in my future, as I start to shed my "I need to own it and it needs to be new" viewpoint.

Some things though, just can't be improved upon. Having a million specialized gadgets in the kitchen that only do one thing - how can that be progress? Buying a new car every two to four years because yours doesn't have tvs on the back of every headrest...is everyone in the world going nuts?

And while it's not quite technology and I'm sure you're tired of hearing it - do we really need a shampoo for every day of the week, and moisturizers for each part of our body, including that tiny area under our eyes? What if there was one thing (or two, if you count healthy eating) that could make your skin healthy and youthful - would America buy that, or is it not complex enough?

For years I stressed over the growing collection of bottles under my sink - did it really take this much crap to make me beautiful??? I have this cute box from Pier 1 that I got for make-up, but is rapidly becoming the container for all my bathroom needs. How awesome to think most of what you use can fit into a nice, defined box. All hail simplicity. Each new day, each new hill I crest brings a whole new sense of joy.

On the news front, I only had a short grocery list, so I decided to venture into the organic market. Nothing too major, flour, some orange essential oil to make shower spray, cheese (made with yogurt...I will have to withhold judgement for now). As my eating and cooking habits start to move toward a more efficient path, I think I could make my budget work there. Although I am tempted by their amazing selection of tv dinners...even though the grocery stores are getting better with this "specialty" food - I have to stick to my goal of cooking for myself; but I may indulge a little. I did buy some flan.

Life is What You Make It

2007-04-05T22:23:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty busy and preoccupied with a variety of things lately.

Budget! I've never been good with finances or budgets, but I have been yelling at myself constantly. Despite a few setbacks, March was a good start. April has started out a bit rocky, due to my weakness for crab dip. But my hope is my new found distraction, selling books on eBay instead of letting them sit in my car, may pull some cash in to overturn the first week foibles.

Did I mention eBay? Yeah, I'm giving it a shot, but I don't want to tarry on paring down my possessions. I will be taking a load to the library's book sale in a couple weeks, so if they don't sell I can at least get a deduction.

On that note, I've been setting things aside (and desperately need a box) for my next charity run. I am also holding out that Craigslist will help me with a couple more things, but if not I will be introduced to Maryland pawn shops. After working in a cop shop for a while, the concept scares me - who knows who I'll run into.

On the cooking front, beans are doing better. But I forget about soaking legumes - and if you leave them too long you risk growing other, less savory stuff. But I will be eating homemade chili for the next month. It's actually pretty good, though. Easily better than most store bought brands. My next grocery trip has to be light to make up for some budget breakers (like eye drops, what's in that stuff, gold?), so with some dried fruit, I will make homemade granola for breakfast. Unprocessed honey is da bomb. That little bear is so misleading - he doesn't taste nearly as good.

Makes me want to be a beekeeper. Ha ha. No. Really. How awesome would that be to benefit your own garden and fruit trees (I dream) while having a free supply of honey and wax. Yes, I did read The Bee Season - and why not, I could do it! I could certainly get some tips from the campus apiary.

On the book front: I read Finding Alice, about a college girl with schizophrenia. Still not finishing Walden, about halfway through On the Road. And nearly finished with Freakanomics. I highly recommend this book if you are all about rationality and cause and effect. And like the odd answers that life throws at us. Maybe I have some economics and statistics experience, but I thought it was very clear.

If you are interested in my quest to Simplicity check out some of my recent articles on natural beauty products and natural cleaning. More is sure to come as I delve even further into a life of minimalism, voluntary simplicity, or whatever you want to call it. My reasons and philosophy are a mish-mash of spiritual, anti-consumerism, green, and frugality all heaped with a big helping of I want to live my life according to my own happiness and not someone else's definition of success. If it's a race to the top, I'd rather wait under this tree and happily live my life, thank you. Take your more more more bigger bigger bigger and shove it. No I'm not a flower child, tree-hugger...I don't know what I am, but I think there are many out there like me. Generation Y may be waiting for the world to change, but I think a lot of us are taking our own lives back.

How's that for quarter-life crisis?